大多数男性在30岁时就开始经历性行为问题吗?

我有一个微妙的问题,我不能确切地问我约会的男人。现在我33岁了,正在和30-36岁的男人约会,我注意到他们的性行为发生了变化。我约会过的最后4个男人在卧室里有问题,这让我想知道,当他们到了这个年龄时,是不是也会这样?他们都有一个共同点那就是我们第一次睡在一起他们没有一个能完成。这是我们第一次或第二次睡在一起。这是神经吗?一旦一起睡觉变得更有规律,我注意到以下情况。一个人即使只喝了一杯啤酒也很难变硬;它变得困难,消失,晚上结束的时候,我感到非常沮丧。另一个人总是无法完成,可能永远都做不完。他们似乎也没有人对早晨的性生活特别感兴趣。我感觉很糟糕,好像我是那个要求的人。和他们做爱让我觉得很尴尬。他们都没有我那么强烈的性欲,这让我很惊讶。这是30多岁男性的新常态吗?我想念那些没有问题的男人。谢谢!

你的问题中有很多问题,苏。

  1. 30多岁的男性是否经常出现性功能障碍?
  2. 30多岁的男性比20多岁的男性性欲更低吗?

这些问题有两个不同的答案,让我们把它们分开来看:

据中央社报道,只有2%的男性报告有勃起功能障碍在40岁之前,所以,不,这并不常见对于一个30出头还不能起床的男人来说。

同时,一个男人可能会经历暂时性勃起功能障碍的原因有很多,很多都和你无关。如果他工作压力大,如果他对自己的生活或身体感觉不好,如果他不健康,如果他抑郁或焦虑,或正在服用治疗抑郁或焦虑的药物,所有这些都会影响一个人的表现,包括起床,保持它,和完成。

一个男人可能会经历暂时性勃起功能障碍的原因有很多,很多都和你无关。

这就是为什么理解男人和女人之间的差异对你来说很重要。如果女人是干的,她还可以,技术上做爱。如果一个男人有以上任何问题,他不能。的含义,一个人的工作负担要重得多。由于害怕不能完成任务,而且,好吧,如果2%在现实中更高,我并不感到惊讶。

接下来,关于你对男性性欲下降的失望…

对不起,苏。你真倒霉。

男性的睾丸激素在青少年和成年早期达到顶峰,30岁以后每年下降1-2%。地狱,在我失去童贞之前,我达到了我的巅峰。

另一方面,睾丸激素的高峰不一定与性高峰相关。这篇文章是关于如何工作的链接到一项研究,在这项研究中,男性报告他们自己的性高峰在33岁。但是,在某一点上,哪项研究是“正确的”并不重要。

好的一面是,随着时间的推移,男性往往变得更加注重人际关系金宝博电子竞技,因为他们不再盲目地受睾丸激素的驱使。

重要的是,是的,男人的性欲会随着时间的推移而下降,而且,除了一些异常值,这就是人们随着年龄增长而发生的事情。好的一面是,随着时间的推移,男性往往变得更加注重人际关系金宝博电子竞技,因为他们不再盲目地受睾丸激素的驱使。

生活是一种权衡,我亲爱的。你会发现很少有40多岁的已婚夫妇每天做爱,但只要他们每周一次,他们保持着快乐和联系。

你的思想,下面,总是赞赏。

加入我们的对话(277条评论)。
点击这里在下面留下你的评论。

评论:

  1. 1
    珍妮

    几年前,我在他快30岁的时候开始和一个很棒的男人约会。一切都很好,除了他在床上有事。他解释说,他最近的几次性经历有点不对劲。他仔细研究了色情导致的勃起功能障碍,并将其诊断为他的问题所在。这背后的想法是,这个人习惯于只看色情片,他手机里的色情图片从一个画面切换到另一个画面,和人类的性行为是如此的不同。

    把事情掌握在自己手中(可以说:),有一个月,他没有手淫,如果我们亲热,他也不让自己达到高潮。他完全不看色情片了。他还开始冥想——每天早晨冥想几分钟。在这段自我强加的“彻底决裂”之后,我们发生了性关系,一切都很顺利。从那时起,我们有了一个伟大的性生活。他在如此私人的事情上解决问题的能力给我留下了深刻的印象。他还明确表示,这个问题与我无关,我相信他。从那以后,他一直给我留下了深刻的印象。。

    1. 1.1
      年代。

      That's amazing.  His ability to talk about it with you and work with it and find a solution that works.  Thanks for sharing that!

    2. 1.2
      丽莎

      这实际上是40岁以下男性患ED或DE最常见的原因之一。这是一个严重的问题。

  2. 2
    Tom10

    “男性可能会经历暂时性勃起功能障碍的原因有很多,很多都和你无关。如果他工作压力大,如果他对自己的生活或身体感觉不好,如果他不健康,如果他患有抑郁症或焦虑症或者正在服用治疗抑郁症或焦虑症的药物

    对的,但也:
    -过度接触色情导致的脱敏
    休闲药物使用
    -不再为性烦恼,因为这在他的生活中已经不像20多岁时那么重要了;他的重点可能从性转向了金钱/事业。

    ................

    事实上,我不同意WebMD关于30多岁男性勃起功能障碍很罕见的说法;我怀疑它实际上是非常普遍的;然而,我想大多数人都知道问题的根本原因,如果他们愿意,他们可以解决这个问题。更有可能的是,他们只是不想改变自己的生活方式。

  3. 3.
    克莱尔

    苏,

    如果可能的话,克服你对性的恐惧/不情愿。到了30多岁的时候,如果这是你想要的,就没有必要再遮遮掩掩了。

    并不是说你需要每次都成为那个主动的人——不是用任何方式——但这是一种相互的舞蹈,给予和接受。没有必要躺在那里等着他突然向你扑来,用欲望追上你——这是米尔斯和布恩小说的素材。帮助他。

    就我个人而言,我没有遇到Sue描述的这些问题,我也和30多岁的男人约会。再一次,随着年龄的增长和成熟,性欲早在你上床之前就开始了——你可以在调情前几个小时就开始产生性欲,感情,看起来,取笑,被暗示。就我个人而言,我觉得当你到卧室的时候,你们两个都应该考虑很久的。如果你只在头靠在枕头上的时候才开始做事,成功率会下降。

    玩得开心,苏-调情,取笑,找到你感性的内在女神。这对他很有帮助。

    1. 3.1
      杰里米

      嗨,克莱尔,I agree with your advice to the OP to get over her fear of initiation.  But regarding the advice to build desire with flirting,取笑,等等,我认为这个建议对女性有效,但对男性无效,in general.  I've observed a real disconnect between men and women in this regard – with how much the build-up matters to the experience of sex.  I think that many men really don't understand how much the buildup means to women.  And conversely,I think that many women don't understand how little the buildup means to men.  Frankly,a day-long tease can be very frustrating.  I think that men tend to be very linear in our arousal patterns – we either are or we aren't.  If we aren't (and assuming there are no medical reasons for this),要么是性的“开启”开关无法被激活(由于缺乏吸引力等因素,色情成瘾,或任何其他脱敏因子),或者性的“关闭”开关不会关闭(由于压力,不相容,焦虑,等等)。

      不仅仅是年龄,不仅仅是昼夜荷尔蒙波动,这很可能不是缺乏调情/戏弄的原因。

  4. 4
    罗宾

    莎士比亚很久以前就说过,他说得很对:
    麦克达夫:“喝酒特别会引起哪三件事?”
    波特对麦克达夫的回应是:“结婚,先生,nose-painting,睡眠,和尿液。好色,先生,它会引起或不引起。它激起了欲望,但它带走了表演。

    每个人对酒精的耐受性都会随着年龄的增长而下降,宽容缺失的部分体现在"拿走" "表演"中,即使是30多岁的男人。
    各种药物也是如此。

    如果一个人为了健身而大量服用类固醇,忘记它!

  5. 5
    另一个家伙

    There is another problem that has not been addressed.  There is synchronization problem when it comes to sexual desire.  Peak testosterone for a man occurs in the morning and women tend to want sex at night when testosterone is at its lowest.  Average testosterone levels have been declining for decades.  Scientists believe that it has to do with toxins in the food supply.   There are phytoestrogens in the food supply and plastics are adding xenoestrogens.  Elevated estrogen levels impact a man's ability to perform.

  6. 6
    Shaukat

    老实说,除了严重的健康问题,我只能想到四个可能发生在一个30多岁的男人身上的原因:

    1)。不能用避孕套表演吗

    2)。过度饮酒或吸毒

    3)。从不去健身房,非常久坐不动的生活方式

    4)。不是很吸引你

    1. 6.1
      丽莎

      你错过了一个,他已经习惯了色情和他自己的手,他不能和一个真正的女人表演。如果一个30岁以下的男人患有ED或DE,那么第一步就是至少在30天内戒掉所有的色情和手淫,我想这个问题会自行解决,而不需要去看医生。如果一个女人和一个有这些问题的男人在一起,她需要尽早提出这个问题。如果他能独自表演色情作品,这不是医学问题。如果他不愿意停下来,那么她需要继续前进。

      如果这是一段早期的关系为什么上帝要和一个他不喜欢金宝博电子竞技的女人约会那就没有意义了。

      1. 但是
        卡尔年代

        孤独吗?
        也许他们再也找不到更吸引他们的人了。

        早在我二十出头的时候,我的表现就有问题,我意识到我在和可爱的人约会,但我不吸引了他们的身体。

        同时,我们的性风格不总是那么容易凝结。这可以是一些小事情的组合比如他们是多么的强势/顺从,以及他们移动身体或与我互动的方式。

        我和我现在的伴侣没有问题,我和他在一起很多年了。

        1. 丽莎

          今天的年轻人非常孤独。他们不像前几代人那样有相同的社会互动。当然可能是伴侣的驱动或身体不匹配。但是,如果一个本来健康的男人可以单独看色情片,却不能和伴侣一起看,那很可能是色情片诱发的。有一个很简单的方法可以发现只要30天不看色情或手淫,如果这不能解决问题,那就寻找其他原因。

        2. 另一个家伙

          @Lisa

          但是,如果一个本来健康的男人可以单独看色情片,却不能和伴侣一起看,那很可能是色情片诱发的。

          也可能是情感上的。

        3. 丽莎

          @yet另一个家伙,sure it could be emotional.  But often figuring out the cause of emotional ED is quite difficult.   So stopping the porn and masturbation first,在我看来,看看这是否有助于解决问题似乎是比较容易的办法。如果它不起作用,然后寻求治疗,解决这些情感问题。

  7. 7
    Nissa

    噢,我有信息!所以有很好的证据表明代谢综合症会导致勃起功能障碍。同时,老年人的血容量减少了,会影响勃起。附加的链接。

    对于非技术人员,这意味着按照美国标准饮食(SAD)的男性血液中更容易含糖,引起代谢综合征&影响勃起。许多男性也很可能是未确诊的糖尿病患者。

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3142025/

    为什么老年人的血容量较低?

    约瑟夫·克拉夫特:为什么高胰岛素血症很重要

    1. 7.1
      杰里米

      虽然这种联系很有可能存在,it is unlikely to be high on the differential diagnosis for men in this age category.  These men should definitely exercise and eat right,但这样做不太可能解决大多数30多岁患有ED的男性的这个问题。

    2. 7.2
      另一个家伙

      @Nissa

      虽然低睾丸激素与胰岛素抵抗有关,researchers are still uncertain which is the chicken and which is the egg.  I am type 2 diabetic who is also hypgonadal (i.e.,我正在接受睾丸激素替代疗法)which is why I know so much about the subject.  What causes some diabetics to have trouble with erections is the over expression of an enzyme known as Rho kinase,具体来说就是ROCK1。ROCK1 keeps the penis in the contracted state.  Researchers believe that treating hypogonadism normalizes the overexpression of ROCK1.

      对于老年非糖尿病男性,勃起功能障碍(ED)是动脉斑块引起的内皮功能障碍(即:it is the canary in the coal mine with respect to an impending cardiac event).  This problem causes a reduction in the enzyme nitric oxide synthase (NOS) and a corresponding reduction the production of nitric oxide (NO) from L-arginine.  NO is part of the chemical pathway that allows the arteries within the penis to expand,导致血液涌进海绵体,which in turn pinches off the veins in the penis leading to an erection.  Phosphodiesterase 5 inhibitors (a.k.a.伟哥,希爱力,艾力达)通过阻断一种名为环鸟苷单磷酸(cGMP)的化合物的分解,which is produced via the NO pathway.  The compound cGMP is the actual vasodilater that allows a man to have an erection.  Because men who have arterial plaque-related ED produce low amounts of NO,blocking the action of phosphodiesterase 5 (PDE5) allows a man to achieve an erection with lower amounts of cGMP.  However,在正常健康的男性中,阻断PDE5可以导致一种被称为priapism的疾病,导致组织死亡。The reason being that the tissue in the penis is not being continuously oxygenated during an erection due to blood flow being pinched off.  That is the reason why an announcer always states that a man should seek immediate medical attention for an erection lasting more than four hours in the PDE5 commercials.  The half life for Viagra is 4 to 6 hours,which means that PDE5 is being blocked during this period.  A healthy man could lose a large part of his penis to tissue death if his priapism is left untreated,这就是为什么在娱乐活动中使用PDE5抑制剂是危险的。

      1. 7.2.1
        Nissa

        有趣。这里有一个链接到著名的Ivor Cummins心脏病学演讲关于动脉斑块是胰岛素抵抗的功能,因此是大多数心脏病发作的原因。这对我来说意味着胰岛素抵抗,作为斑块形成的原因,是ED的一个根源。好消息是,随着时间的推移,它是可逆的。他在YouTube上有几个关于这些话题的视频(链接如下)。买他的新书,吃得丰盛长寿。

      2. 7.2.2
        另一个家伙

        @Nissa

        有些ED患者没有胰岛素抵抗,所以胰岛素抵抗不是ED的根本原因。动脉斑块是由高血压引起的内皮功能障碍引起的,吸烟,和/或高脂血症。胰岛素抵抗是一个更大问题的症状。胰岛素抵抗通常是三位一体的共病,称为代谢症候群,其中包括高血糖,高脂血症,and high blood pressure.  Insulin resistance is caused by having too much fat on one's body.脂肪阻止胰岛素进入肌肉细胞。

        对于男人来说,通过增加雌二醇(E2,选择。estrogen) production via increased aromatase activity.  Like women need a small amount of testosterone,男人需要少量的E2。Men convert testosterone to E2 via an enzyme known as aromatase.  In men,内脏脂肪会形成一个反馈回路,增加芳香化酶的活性,这会导致睾丸激素转化为E2的增加,which leads to an increase in visceral fat.  It is a vicious cycle.这个反馈回路同时增加E2,同时降低睾丸激素,resulting in a loss of muscle tone and mass.  It can be a downward spiral if a man does nothing about it.  Elevated E2 eventually leads to the feminization of a man's body.  It is the source of gynecomastia (a.k.a.男性乳房发育)。

        如果我们想指出某件事,it needs to be squarely pointed at E2.  Women who have high levels of E2 also have a problem with weight gain.  What is important is to balance E2 with the other hormones.E2升高的绝经前女性的臀部和腿部会增加体重(梨形)。绝经后女性和E2升高的男性腹部脂肪增加(苹果形)。想要平衡E2的女性应该看看DIM或者d-葡萄糖酸钙。These compounds work for men too by helping the body to metobolize E2 into less harmful estrogen metabolites.  However,对于男人来说,减少E2的关键是内脏脂肪的减少,这在男性进入内脏脂肪后是很困难的->增加芳香化酶活性->增加E2 ->增加内脏脂肪反馈循环因为它同时减少睾丸激素。

        The key takeaway is that weight gain in men and women as they age is more often caused by a problem with E2 dominance.  Testosterone declines in men as sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG) increases,leaving reduced amounts of free testosterone.  The conversion of testosterone to E2 futher reduces free testosterone.  Testosterone and progesterone decline in women with age.  E2 dominance can cause a loss of libido in men and women as well as erection problems for men.

  8. 9

    由于一般的男性从十几岁开始就会定期向网络色情网站自慰,我猜问题可能出在色情习惯上。一个健康的年轻人,还能是什么呢?是的,好吧,Evan说的是一些可能性,但如果她经常抱怨,我的钱都花在色情上了。

    1. 9.1
      丽莎

      我也一样。

      1. 9.1.1
        Shaukat

        @Jenn和丽莎,

        你们谁能发表或引用一项研究,我是说一项实际的研究,不是一些推测性的社论——它表明暴露在色情的核心内容中实际上会导致30多岁健康男性的勃起功能障碍?很可能在一个位置自慰会在短期内造成困难在另一个位置完成性行为,但是你所假设的色情消费和勃起功能障碍之间的联系据我所知是没有经验依据的,至少对年轻健康的男性来说不是这样。也许我错了,如果你知道任何研究,请分享。

        1. 丽莎

          肯定的是,大约有25项研究提供了你正在寻找的信息,在这里,

          https://yourbrainonporn.com/studies-reported-金宝博电子竞技relationships-between-porn-use-or-porn-addictionsex-addiction-and-sexual

          实际上有很多研究支持这个观点。有些男人可能会死握(以一种特殊的方式手淫),有些人可能只是因为色情导致的性功能障碍,许多人同时患有这两种疾病。今天的色情提供了一种多巴胺的高度,你无法得到真正的性。我以前也从未听说过这种事。如果你几年前告诉我是这样的话,我会跟你说同样的话,直到我和一个有同样问题的男人约会。但不管有没有经验数据,如果一个人没有健康问题,是ED还是DE,他可以自己做研究。就停止,看看症状是否消失了?问题是,许多单身男性根本不知道这甚至会引发问题。这很正常对吧?所以当他们陷入一段关系,却无法表现出来时,他们不金宝博电子竞技知道为什么。这个问题导致许多关系的结束。金宝博电子竞技

        2. 另一个家伙

          @Shaukat

          在过去,医生可以指出生理上的(血液流动,low testosterone) or psychogenic (performance anxiety) reasons for sexual dysfunction.  The rise of heavy Internet porn consumption is changing things.前所未有的40岁以下人群是真实的,and research is pointing to over stimulation of the brain's reward centers.  The male brain craves novelty when it comes to sexual response,色情给了男人接触新奇事物的机会,而这是一般女人无法复制的。以下是美国国立卫生研究院网站上的一份医学出版物的链接,其中详细介绍了一项由色情诱导的ED研究:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/

      2. 9.1.2
        Shaukat

        @丽莎,

        谢谢,很有趣。

  9. 10
    艾莉克莱因

    我同意所有提到色情引起的勃起功能障碍可能是一个原因的人的观点。这是个大问题,如果我有个儿子,我会提醒他的。事实上,我相信非常积极的性治疗师Laura Berman博士,她上过很多次奥普拉脱口秀,正因为这个原因,她不鼓励儿子使用色情。如果一个人想做点什么,他可以研究并排毒。我建议从色情网站上的大脑开始。

    1. 10.1
      丽莎

      是的。EMK:我想如果你能谈谈这个问题就太好了。看看有没有fap。这是一个越来越普遍的问题。

  10. 11
    ScottH

    这是个有趣的话题。我和我的第一个伴侣离婚后,but no problems getting it up.  I still remember that time we were having dinner and she was telling me about her sex issues with her previous partners,how they finished too fast or this or that.  Hint:  don't talk to your current partner about previous partners performance.  That caused all kinds of anxiety for me and I couldn't finish any of the times we were together and I think she thought I was weird (I guess I am).  I was happy when things went according to plan with the next partner and I realized it wasn't me.  Do you know how worried we guys can get about performance?  I think it's called performance anxiety or something like that.  I also had a partner who made me wear condoms and I couldn't finish because of those and she got really really upset which only made it worse.  (Evan wrote a column on this for me a while back.)  It also makes it hard (ha) on us if we sense that you aren't enjoying yourself.  My batting average is very dependent on my partner.

    1. 11.1
      艾米丽,最初的

      斯科特•H

      提示:不要和你现在的伴侣谈论以前伴侣的表现

      ITA。好,坏或漠不关心。我不想知道别人在床上做了什么。这是一个应该和朋友进行的对话,不是一个合作伙伴。就像我不需要知道你喜欢哪位同事一样。把那个信息留给你自己。

  11. 12
    年代。

    如果女人是干的,她还可以,技术上做爱。

    首先,ouch.  She technically can but if she does then she might have issues and end up writing you a similar letter several months down the line.

    如果一个男人有以上任何问题,他不能。

    我们必须扩大对性的定义,especially if there are issues arising (or not) in the bedroom.   It's not all about the penis going in the vagina.当然这是最主要的,但它不是只有deal.  He has hands and a mouth,no?   I think that getting too focused on intercourse especially when it's not happening only puts more pressure on the situation.

    The difficult thing about Sue's situation is how to talk about it with anyone feeling pressured or blamed.  It's no one's fault but it's a lot of pressure if you feel your penis is holding up sex or if you feel as a woman your partner isn't attracted enough to you to become aroused.  Neither of those things necessarily are true,but it can certainly feel that way and it's difficult to have that discussion.  Most men I've known who go through this seem like they'd rather die than talk about it.When a guy is that embarrassed or pressured I'm not sure what his partner can do to help.  You can say you're fine and really很好,但这对他来说不好。。

    (对于那些使用避孕套的人来说,那你是怎么做的,而且还在练习安全性交?

    1. 12.1
      年代。

      应该是一张悲伤的脸。这确实是一个困难的情况,而是要听听其他人是如何度过难关的。

    2. 12.2
      艾米丽,最初的

      年代,

      我们必须扩大对性的定义,especially if there are issues arising (or not) in the bedroom.   It's not all about the penis going in the vagina.

      是的,我们需要扩大我们的观念,即如果男人完成了,性就是“成功的”。多少次,多年来,通过各种合作伙伴,难道女人还没有完成吗?我并不痴迷于高潮(因为我自己可以更快更准确地达到高潮)。如果从未发生过,这是一个问题,但如果它不是,性爱仍然是令人愉快的。没有一个菜单上的项目是必须发生的性是好的。

      1. 12.2.1
        丽莎

        我明白你的意思,作为一个女人,和一个男人在一起他有严重的色情和死亡威胁,我也想说,他是否达到高潮并不重要,没什么大不了的。但我在欺骗自己。我想过正常的性生活,对我来说,这很正常。也许是因为他自己的行为导致了这种情况,什么不同于一个人无法控制的医学问题?我们都想取悦我们的伴侣,这很正常。

        1. 另一个家伙

          @Lisa

          随着年龄的增长,性交中的性高潮变得越来越频繁,especially after age 50.   Bernie Zilbergeld's book entitled "The New Male Sexuality" is a publication that all sexually active men and women should read.

        2. 丽莎

          @yet另一个家伙,I totally agree with you and I do think age plays a factor here.  We are not talking about men over 50.  Some level of ED is certainly expected after that,or even after 45.  But most women do not expect men in their 20s and 30s to have it,这就是写信的人所说的。

        3. 詹姆斯

          “随着男人年龄的增长,性交中的性高潮变得越来越频繁,尤其是50岁以后。
          不仅如此,但是,强度of orgasms diminishes as males get older.  So even if older males do manage to reach orgasm,整个感觉不会像他们年轻时那样好。
          And the refractory period also increases as males get older.  So even if older males do orgasm and even if they feel like it was worth the hassle,他们不可能经常这么做。
          So there really isn't a whole lot of encouraging news when it comes to the libido and sexuality of older males.  And somehow I doubt  the magical fountain of youth is to be found in some little blue pills,睾丸激素疗法,or marriage counseling.  Both men AND women would probably be much better off just making their peace with this instead of trying to fight it.

        4. 丽莎

          @james我完全同意你的观点,作为一个女人,我希望那个年龄段的男人会有一些问题。性别只是随着年龄的增长而不同。也就是说这是我和同龄男人约会的原因之一,而不是老男人。我想当我50岁的时候,我不会太在意这些问题,但在我30多岁的时候,我不希望也不期望我约会的男人有这些问题。我想大多数女人都知道你说的是真的,但男人不愿承认。我不能告诉你我听过多少次50岁的男人说,哦,是的,我可以像30岁那样做爱,这就是我和年轻女人约会的原因。但是他们不能,也不应该期望他们这么做。但是在他们30多岁的时候,不。

        5. 艾米丽,最初的

          丽莎,

          作为一个女人,她和一个男人在一起,这个男人有严重的色情和死亡威胁,我也想说,他是否达到高潮并不重要,没什么大不了的。但我在欺骗自己。我想过正常的性生活,对我来说,这很正常。

          我只是不喜欢人们认为性是基于目标的。自慰是基于目标,但是性应该更有趣,更自然。有时只是玩玩很有趣。

      2. 12.2.2
        丽莎

        @emilytheoriginal是的,有时候只是玩玩就好了,不,高潮并不总是必要的。我说的是和一个男人在一起,他永远无法通过阴道性交达到高潮,或者只能在你金宝博电子竞技面前通过他自己的手达到高潮。作为一个年轻人,我不愿意接受这样的性生活。在我60岁的时候可能是这样,但在我30多岁的时候就不是这样了。许多人直到和一个延迟射精的男人在一起时才意识到,当没有性交或者你的性生活只是看着他手淫时,亲密感是多么的少。我不会因为人们的选择而批评他们。但我不认为这是主流观点。

        1. 艾米丽,最初的

          丽莎,

          我说的是和一个男人在一起,他永远无法通过阴道性交达到高潮,或者只能在你金宝博电子竞技面前通过他自己的手达到高潮。. .作为一个年轻人,我不愿意接受这样的性生活。在我60岁的时候可能是这样,但在我30多岁的时候就不是这样了

          我40多岁了,我不喜欢那样。I actually had a guy–the FIRST TIME we were together–ask me if watching him "pleasure himself" would relax me because I was nervous.  Uh … NO!

    3. 12.3
      丽莎

      对,我个人认为除了忽视这个问题,没有别的好办法,你可以在不冒犯男人的情况下提出这个问题。如果它发生了几次,好吧,它很紧张,我不管它,没问题。但如果它一再发生,你就必须解决它。女人,就像男人想在他们的关系中得到性满足,这并没有什么错或肤浅的。金宝博电子竞技如果你的男人不能表演,你对此并不满意,我不会嫁给他。

    4. 12.4
      丽莎

      @Emily原文,agreed.   Not many women would be.

  12. 13
    D_M

    这种情况似乎有点离谱。这四个人爬山都遇到了困难。一个人的面条湿了,这是可以理解的。其中两个,我们想知道它们在她的光谱上的位置。第四个人是钢铁侠,但不知何故却无法满足一个永不满足的欲望。早上他们谁也不想要。这根本不算数。如果你的动力很高,难道钢铁侠不是我们所需要的吗?就像我说的,我一直想要它,但是呼呼太湿了。

    前有很多空闲的时间,我和一个热情的接吻者有过一次亲密接触。基于接吻,我期待适当的出汗,一个也没有。奇卡在被单之间是完全被动的,这导致了一段无聊的经历。男人也有期望,所以很可能晚上的序曲,已经为早晨做好了准备。男人很少告诉女人他们的卧室游戏需要工作。从美洲狮的剧本来看,你较弱的手应该是杂耍,而更具统治力的那只手则紧紧抓住独眼怪物。

    1. 13.1
      丽莎

      钢铁之躯是人们普遍存在的一种误解。我想这可能是色情教他们的东西,但不确定。很少有女人想要持续30分钟以上的性爱,这是痛苦和无聊的。研究表明,女性更喜欢10-15分钟的实际插入。和一个从来没有高潮的男人在一起是可怕的,这伤害了女人的自尊,让她不想和他发生性关系。

      1. 13.1.1
        D_M

        丽莎,

        你认为我们处理自尊问题的目的是什么?我承认色情在历史上的这一点上无处不在。你对两性前进的处方是什么?

        1. 丽莎

          在我看来,放下色情片,走出去,开始和真正的女人交流,这是建立自尊的唯一途径。告诉自己色情片只是幻想,并不能反映现实生活,或者任何接近女人想要的床上用品。

      2. 13.1.2
        另一个家伙

        @Lisa

        和一个从来没有高潮的男人在一起是可怕的,这伤害了女人的自尊,让她不想和他发生性关系。

        我有消息告诉你,丽萨人也有同样的感觉!如果一个男人不是通过性交达到高潮,you need to try something different.  I do not know your age,但我发现这些日子通过性交来达到高潮是命中注定的,often taking thirty minutes or longer.  Thankfully,我确实有勃起困难,it is just that penile sensitivity and the tone of the pubococcygeus muscles of the female pelvic floor both decline with age.   People need to become more open minded and creative in bed as they age;否则,他们将挂起他们的马刺。。

        1. 丽莎

          哦,不,I left that 金宝博电子竞技relationship.  But thanks for the advice.  Just so you know I did try absolutely any and everything and it did not work.  You know what did work,阻止色情,and masturbation.   I am 40,but at the time I was in my mid 30s and I am sorry I am not looking to deal with ED at such a young age.    Particuarly when the man is causing his own ED and won't stop.   I think you are comparing apples to oranges.  Mine was a situation where the man was not of an age where he should be having ED,and it was definitive that the cause of his ED was porn use and excessive masturbation.  Totally different than a man of a certain age struggling in bed through no fault of his own,只是老化的过程。

    2. 13.2
      艾米丽,最初的

      D-M,

      奇卡在被单之间是完全被动的,这导致了一段无聊的经历。

      当我陷入被动时,通常是因为有些东西坏了,我想让它继续。

      1. 13.2.1
        D_M

        艾米丽,最初的,

        我赞同没有比卧室里的一些哲学更好的了。如果有人不喜欢,我停止。绥靖政策对我不起作用。在很大程度上,当她对那些还没有达到她人生“阶段”的女性做好准备的时候,会发出“哇”的信号。没有了呼呼的电话,我远离前门。我给你时间热身。如果除了展出的东西之外你没有别的装备,会议结束了。有时候两个人根本就不合适。额外的卧室装备仍然无法弥补这种不和谐的差距。

        1. Nissa

          我喜欢你把性艾滋病称为“附加条件”。让它更法国化,哈哈

        2. 艾米丽,最初的

          D_M,

          我赞同没有比卧室里的一些哲学更好的了。如果有人不喜欢,我停止。你和你提到的那个女人分手了吗?你是说,“嘿,看来你不喜欢这个。Let's call it a day.'?" I've never done that before,但是我希望我有胆量做几次。你写的,有时你并不适合,一旦你明白了这一点,再拖出来就没有意义了。我无法想象那会有多尴尬,坦率地说,这怎么可能是非常糟糕的任何一方。

          在很大程度上,当她对那些还没有达到她人生“阶段”的女性做好准备的时候,会发出“哇”的信号。不一定。我已经做好了充分的准备,直到发射的那一刻,被证明是无聊的。

  13. 14
    联欢晚会

    我注意到同样的事情,30多岁的白领男人通常是最差的情人。解决办法是要么和年轻人约会,年纪较大的人(40多岁)尽管这可能有违直觉,或者和非职业男性约会。冲浪教练起床没有问题,假设他们没有嗑药。我相信这一切都可以归结为压力。作为一个30多岁的职业女性,我完全理解。这是你生命中决定你事业成败的十年。你会在合作伙伴/ c级/PM轨道上吗,或者当你40岁的时候就洗手不干了?它的压力很大。竞争是激烈的。40多岁的人已经知道答案了。不管怎样,他们对事物更冷淡,他们甚至坦然接受被洗净的事实,继续他们的生活。20多岁的年轻人还不知道自己的未来。他们仍然认为世界是他们的牡蛎,因为他们得到了一份很酷的入门级工作(哈!)最后,一般来说,非职业人士不参与激烈的竞争,所以他们很冷静。

    哦,那个永远也看不完的家伙可能是看了太多色情片,并对其产生了极大的兴趣。我会给他一个机会,因为有规律的性生活,这很快就会消失。

    1. 14.1
      年代。

      你40岁就完蛋了?

      我不认为它是洗过的,gosh.  I'm thinking about我自己and not the men.  But you and I differ because I don't care about a man's career and never did in any decade of my life.  I've worked since I was fifteen but my work life hasn't been a straight line.  As long as the man as happy with what he does and who he is,我没意见。(他所做的是合法的,lol)。

      I wish and hoped that a man's job or career wasn't a beeline to his sex life.  My sex life has ZERO to do with my job,除了在我周期的不同阶段,我对工作中的性想得太多了!哈!

      But I realize we social men differently and they have that provider instinct which in our culture means job which affects sex.  That said,我和一些很害羞的人有过很好的性爱,beta males with low self-esteem.  Being desired helps.It's not everything and alone can't change anyone but it helps.  And usually they start back dating just when their careers are back on track but not exactly when they are ‘crushing it' yet in the workplace.  And I have a pretty wide definition of what ‘sex' is.

      1. 14.1.1
        联欢晚会

        我不知道你说的和我说的有什么关系。我的观点是,对于职场人士来说,30多岁是压力最大的十年。这种压力会影响男性的表现。这与我们如何与男孩交往无关。无论压力的来源是什么,压力过大的男人在生理上都不会起床。(“betas”实际上在睡眠时表现得更好,因为他们的压力更小)

        1. 另一个家伙

          @Gala

          在我30多岁的时候,我经常在压力很大的情况下每周工作超过80个小时,and I do not have problem with performance.  The problem with guys in the thirties has to do more with eating a trash diet,喝太多酒,缺乏体育锻炼比担心成为伴侣更让人担心。

        2. 杰里米

          掺钕钇铝石榴石,I agree with you that it isn't about the stress of making partner.  While many women view stress as a reason not to have sex,most men IME view sex as a way to blow off stress.  But that type of sex that blows off stress is the type that prioritizes the man's desires,not the woman's.  If he has to prioritize her desires it increases his stress.  Think about motivations.  If you Google "what makes a man a good lover" you'll come up with hundreds of pages.  But if you Google "WHY should a man be a good lover" you'll come up with zilch (or rather,the same articles that explain HOW he can be a good lover).  What is his motivation?

        3. 联欢晚会

          @YAG:

          在我30多岁的时候,我经常在压力很大的情况下每周工作超过80个小时,我对性能没有问题。

          是的,我们知道你是个超人。我们明白了。顺便说一句,我记得你说你在无性婚姻中度过了10年,如果您的性能有问题,您如何知道?

        4. 年代。

          My point was I couldn't relate to the work stress affecting sex.  Work and sex are separate for me.  So I couldn't see why it would be that way for men.

          我知道男人需要提供。一部分是生理上的一部分是男人的工作在某种程度上是他自我价值的一部分,好吧,mine is not.  That's how we socialize boys.小男孩也许有保护的本能,但由于它们无法再生长,无法击退老虎,这就意味着他可以保护和供养他的家人。所以如果他们在工作中表现不好这会影响他们的自我价值会影响他们的性生活吗?我试图理解这种导致性能问题的压力。

          压力很大,因为,they aren't always treated kindly.  It's not exactly the ‘ideal man' (if that even exists) to be quiet and reticent.  So they are stressed but about different things.或者是同样的事情。One ex of mine was always so calm.  He eventually told me,“我只似乎calm."  Fair enough.They can be shyer about crossing the touch barrier and getting into a 金宝博电子竞技relationship.  But once there,wow!  Still waters run deep.。

        5. 另一个家伙

          @Gala

          我记得你说你在无性婚姻中度过了10年,如果您的性能有问题,您如何知道?

          那时我四五十岁左右。I did not have erectile performance problems.  I had a willing partner and desire not to cheat problems.。

        6. 掺钕钇铝石榴石,

          “那段时间我四五十岁左右。I did not have erectile performance problems.  I had a willing partner and desire not to cheat problems.”

          所以,你的婚姻之所以无性,是因为你有一个心甘情愿的伴侣,不想出轨?我们错过了什么?

          这是否意味着你是那个不想和你的伴侣发生性关系的人?

        7. 另一个家伙

          @KK

          所以,你的婚姻之所以无性,是因为你有一个心甘情愿的伴侣,不想出轨?我们错过了什么?

          那是个语法错误。我既没有一个心甘情愿的伴侣,也没有欺骗的欲望。

          回首过去,我应该在搬家前几年就离开我的前任。我坚持我的婚姻,因为我相信我的孩子最好在一个完整的家庭中成长。没有哪个女人会对我有这么大的影响力,这是一种非常自由的感觉。我不希望因为某种原因被绑在一个女人身上。我已经看到当事情不正常的时候会变得多么糟糕。婚姻美满的男人可能比单身男人寿命长,but men in bad marriages tend to have shorter lives than men who never marry.  At this point,我认为只跟一个女人结婚毫无益处,坦白说,我遇到过不少不想和男人绑在一起的女人。They live full lives.  The disconnect that I have with these women is that they want a monogamous sex partner,and I have no desire to be monogamous to one woman.  I have learned that that practice does not pay.  A little competition anxiety goes a long way towards maintaining sexual tension.

        8. “没有哪个女人会对我有这么大的影响力,这是一种非常自由的感觉。我不希望因为某种原因被绑在一个女人身上。我看到当事情不正常的时候会变得多么糟糕。

          掺钕钇铝石榴石,

          当你这样说的时候,女性会因为你基本上退出了市场而松了一口气。

          但你有这种感觉的原因是因为你还没离婚那么久。就像你第一次在这里评论一个刚刚分居的人一样,你很沮丧,因为女人不给你机会……你理解它。你甚至称赞了那些当时对你的示爱毫无反应的女人。你有可能再改变主意吗?又过了一段时间?

          要么接受,要么放弃,但我的建议是暂时远离约会,专注于你自己。找一个好的心理医生,帮助你找出婚姻失败的真正原因。你可能会发现,你的婚姻从一开始就注定要失败,这是因为你对婚姻的信念,以及你对自己需要什么样的伴侣的信念。我并不是说你要为你婚姻的终结负100%的责任,一点也不是。但是你可能会惊讶地发现,当你真正理解你为什么做出某些选择以及这些选择如何影响你时,你会有一种自由的感觉。

          然后,你可以带着你是谁和你需要什么的真实感觉回去约会,如果你仍然得出结论你永远不会再婚,所以要它。

          但就目前而言,最神奇的女人可能会遇到你,你要么错过她,要么彻底搞砸了。

      2. 14.1.2
        孤挺花

        我知道久坐的生活方式,疲惫和工作压力可能会影响性欲和表现,但长期的干燥期的现实是痛苦的。我怎样才能把排毒提得又轻又好呢?

    2. 14.2
      杰里米

      我觉得这个话题很有趣。因为,毕竟,大多数女人对“好情人”的定义是他给她多少快乐,而不是他自己。那么他成为一个好情人的动机是什么呢?这当然不是他自己的乐趣。它可能是验证,但只有当女人比他更性感,或者他习惯于把自己的价值建立在女人的意见之上时,他才会这么做。这可能是一件自我的事情——关于克服障碍——这是一条通往认可的迂回之路。或者他可能真的是一个乐于助人的人,他更关心伴侣的幸福而不是自己的幸福。但无论如何,“好的男性爱人成为一个好情人的动机不是他自己的乐趣。”

      我只是想听听你关于30多岁的白领男人在你的经历中是好情人的评论。我理解一个40多岁的男人和一个年轻女人约会,想要成为她的好情人,这样才能留住她——他的动机就是留住她。我理解一个20多岁的年轻人试图证明自己,发展自己的技能。But a high-earning man in his 30s who is in high demand from a female population who is starting to want marriage and children with a man exactly like him….what is his motivation to be a good lover or to do anything he doesn't have to?Unless he is a genuinely giving man…..the sort of which is unlikely to be the type to climb a corporate ladder?

      1. 14.2.1
        联欢晚会

        他做一个好情人的动机是什么,或者做任何他不需要做的事情的动机是什么

        他想成为一个好情人的动机是为了得到女人,当然可以。一个在床上不好的人将是一个一劳永获的人,没有回头客。第一次见面后,他会让女人缠着他。然后他需要去找另一个不知道他很烂的女人,重新来过,又一次,一遍又一遍,他可能得先和这些女人出去约会,然后再花$$。而一个真正擅长床上功夫的男人会有一部满是女人的手机,他可以给netflix发短信,当他想要的时候放松一下。

        同时,一个30多岁的职业人士还没有你说的那么强。他每周工作100个小时,而那些40多岁的真正的“肥猫”们,仍然满头秀发,还有一大堆钱要花在女人身上。这些人有选择,这个30多岁的家伙只是希望有一天能成为他们中的一员。有些人会,多数不会。

        这就是为什么男人最好在20多岁的时候结婚,30岁左右所以他有(某种)可靠的性来源和支持系统去狡猾的龙,不用担心下一次高潮从何而来。

        1. 杰里米

          他想成为一个好情人的动机是为了得到女人,当然."  I disagree.  Such a man has no problems getting a woman,regardless of his sexual performance.  There are no shortage of women whose sexual meta-goal is marriage and children rather than pleasure and orgasms.  Being rich and powerful is far more of a draw to women for sex than being good in bed.  You mentioned that the man you're currently with is more technically skilled/giving than the guy you were with in the past to whom you were more attracted.  The first guy drew you without even trying.  The second guy has to put in all this effort.  Who would have more options?

        2. 联欢晚会

          很多女性的性终极目标是婚姻和孩子,而不是快乐和高潮

          虽然我知道大多数女人该怎么结婚生子,没有一个人会不顾一切地嫁给一个和ED在一起的男人(这会让孩子们很难分开,没有双关)

          第一个人没试就把你画出来了。

          哦,不,他努力,相信我。他只是换了一种方式。在我们长达一年半的交往中,他花在我身上的钱大概是现在这个家伙税前年收入的三倍。金宝博电子竞技是的,一个能载你去私人岛屿第二次约会的男人不一定非得是卡萨诺瓦转世,但是有多少人能做到呢?其他人只能靠纯粹的实力竞争

        3. 杰里米

          哦,不,他努力,相信我。他只是换了一种方式。"  But that's just it.  A woman who wants to draw men doesn't take a course in being good at sex,she hits the gym or gets plastic surgery.  A man who wants to draw women doesn't take a course in sex,他找到了一份更好的工作(或者去健身房,depending on the type of 金宝博电子竞技relationship he wants).  How many men have commented on this blog that in their experience,最性感的女人在床上表现最差?What would their motivation be to put in more effort?  They are hot – they already have their pick – and being better in bed won't increase their options meaningfully.  Successful men have the same issue.  What is their motivation.  And this is something to demonstrate what it sounds like you've already observed – that men who have more motivation to want you and only you have more motivation to please you than men who have their pick.  The same is true of women.

        4. 艾米丽,最初的

          杰里米,
          有多少人在这个博客上评论说,最性感的女人在床上表现最差?What would their motivation be to put in more effort?  They are hot – they already have their pick – and being better in bed won't increase their options meaningfully.
          自我是一个很大的激励因素。有人把你列为撼动他世界的人,这很酷,如果这对任何一位女性来说是一个激励因素的话。
          Successful men have the same issue.  What is their motivation.  And this is something to demonstrate what it sounds like you've already observed – that men who have more motivation to want you and only you have more motivation to please you than men who have their pick.  The same is true of women.
          这是一个非常令人沮丧的声明。它是有意义的,当然,但它的意思是,那些只追求一个女人的男人,他们的吸引力更低,选择也更少。

        5. 杰里米

          这是一个非常令人沮丧的声明。它是有意义的,当然,但它的意思是,那些只追求一个女人的男人,他们的吸引力更低,选择也更少但这并不一定意味着,艾米丽,though I know you are worried specifically about this issue.  I honed in one one woman because I wanted to be married and the woman I chose had by far the best mix of qualities I was looking for.  My motivation to hone in on her was that she was what I was looking for.  My decision to prioritize her is because I value my 金宝博电子竞技relationship with her beyond any sort of temporary fling.

          我在上面写道取悦女人的动机可能是为了得到认可,可能是自我,or could be a man who genuinely cares about the woman in question.  You only need to worry about the motivation when the guy doesn't care about you and doesn't value more than any of his other options.

        6. 联欢晚会

          一个想要吸引女人的男人是不会去上性课的,他找到了一份更好的工作(或者去健身房,取决于他想要的关系类型)金宝博电子竞技

          嗯…不。只是没有。首先,有得到一个女人然后还有让女人回来,好吗?这是两个完全不同的目标。请允许我举例说明:当我读研究生的时候,我和一个有着希腊神的身体的家伙勾引上了。他不仅参加了著名的研究生项目,但他也去健身房,所以根据你的描述,他应该是金色的。但不到5分钟,他就软了下来,我自信地把他列为我遇到过的最糟糕的爱人之一。谈论一个重大的失望。我告诉我的一个女朋友,她说她和这个男人有同样的经历。很明显,这话像野火一样蔓延,他不仅没能让我们中的任何一个再和他联系上,我想他不得不离开校园去约会。

          即使是在封闭的校园环境之外,这种情况仍然存在。一个在床上很差劲的男人会努力留住一个女人——不管他想要的是一夜情还是一段真正的感情。金宝博电子竞技更重要的是,在这种情况下,拥有良好的性生活是真正的目标,而他什么都没有。所以,综上所述,做一个好情人对男人有好处,因为如果他是,女人会更愿意一次又一次地勾搭上他,让他的生活更轻松。我们都知道这种类型的人——一个男人有50个女人的电话号码,他可以在任何一个周二的晚上随意发短信“想出去玩”,让至少一个女人和他勾搭上。这个家伙床上功夫很好。他不需要成为宇宙的主人,他只需要玩一些游戏来吸引最初的吸引力,然后装进袋子里就可以了。好吗?这比七位数要容易得多。事实上,这种类型的男人在今天的约会市场上是如此的普遍,以至于我有点惊讶于我不得不解释它。这肯定是一代人的事情,也是你已经离开市场一段时间的事实。

        7. 联欢晚会

          @Jeremy:

          这样的男人找女人没有问题,不管他的性能力。

          要了解做一个好情人对男人的好处,你应该把它想象成一个拥有高客户获取成本的企业。如果你花了很多时间和金钱来吸引顾客(女人),你最好确保他们对你的服务(性)满意,并希望给你带来更多的生意(回来买更多)。否则,如果产品很烂,不管营销活动看起来有多好(你的地位或二头肌),他们不会给你带来回头客。在最好的情况下,they will stick around until the end of the promotional period (you taking them out to a couple of nice restaurants) and then bail.  Any finance savvy person will tell you that's just a horrible business model.。

        8. 杰里米

          联欢晚会,你的商业类比假设这个人卖的产品,the thing that the consumer (the woman) desires is sex.  Which may well be so in the hook-up market,but not so (or at least far less so) in the 金宝博电子竞技relationship market.  I'm not talking about extremes like a guy who is unable to maintain an erection for over 5 minutes.  I'm talking about a guy who prioritizes his own enjoyment in bed versus a guy who prioritizes the enjoyment of his partner.

          我提出这个问题的原因不是为了和你争论床上功夫好不好,but rather to think about motivations.  If a man's motivation is to please his partner (rather than please himself),why might that be so?  Is it so he can attract more women in a hook-up environment?  Is it because he believes his partner will be happier and more likely to stay with him if he pleases her (ie.security)?  Is it because he derives validation from giving her orgasms,as pertaining to his own ego/ability to achieve?  Is it because he loves her and is a genuinely giving person?  The only reason to wonder about this is to think about whether it is likely to continue to remain a priority as the 金宝博电子竞技relationship matures over time.

          关于OP,my suspicion is that porn use may be contributing to the problem.  And the reason that porn use is so ubiquitous among men is that it allows men to focus on their own pleasure without the anxiety of being judged on their performance or the need to jump through hoops to get what they want.  A man accustomed to having his needs met without effort or empathy might not just be unable to satisfy a woman sexually,他可能想知道他为什么要尝试。

        9. 艾米丽,最初的

          杰里米,

          我在一个女人身上磨砺,因为我想结婚,而我选择的这个女人拥有我一直在寻找的最好的品质组合。

          是的,我明白了,但你自己承认(这不是批评)你上学时住在家里,(我想)攒了钱,计划你的未来。你总是很严肃的。没有荡妇阶段。你不是那种喜欢接一大堆女人的男人。先生。魅力有很多选择即使他在某个时候安定下来因为他想要一个家庭,他不是被那些仍然觉得他有吸引力的女人所诱惑吗?我的意思是,难道有些男人不只是性冲动(我相信有些女人就是这样)?

        10. 另一个家伙

          @Emily,最初的

          先生。魅力有很多选择即使他在某个时候安定下来因为他想要一个家庭,他不是被那些仍然觉得他有吸引力的女人所诱惑吗?

          首先,Jeremy is 100% correct with his assertion that a woman's sexual ability is usually inversely proportional to her attractiveness level.  In shape,非常漂亮的女人不需要学习如何成为好情人。他们可以靠自己的外表过日子。现在,fat-bottom girls are a completely different story.  There is a reason why guys are willing to date down in SMV for sex.  The larger the difference in SMV,女人在床上越努力,男人听到“不”字的次数就越少。

          现在,回答你关于史密斯先生的问题。魅力,我不能为别人担保,but I was a man-slut before I married (it was always a source of friction with my ex).  I had absolutely no problem hooking up long before hooking up was fashionable and when women almost universally mounted anti-slut defense before having casual sex,which is a big part of why I did not marry until the second half of my thirties.  Heck,我和一个女人勾搭上了她是我在各地当陪审员时遇到的。然而,即使我们经历了一段很长的无性时期,我仍然对我的前任很忠诚。为什么?The answer for me was my children.  I may be a man of questionable character.  I am absolutely certain that they are women in my past who would refer to me as a cad or player,but what kind of message would it send to my daughters if they learned that their father cheated on their mother?  It would send a message that it is okay for a man to cheat.通常,有更大的,男人生活中比上床更重要的事。我敢肯定,还有其他一些人也有理由不为同样的理由而屈服于自己的欲望。

        11. 艾米丽,最初的

          掺钕钇铝石榴石,

          现在,回答你关于史密斯先生的问题。魅力,我不能为别人担保,but I was a man-slut before I married (it was always a source of friction with my ex).  I had absolutely no problem hooking up long before hooking up was fashionable

          我不是说经常勾搭。我说的是一个男人走进一个房间,吸引了大多数女人的注意。除了电影明星,我无法将其与其他事物联系起来,因为我们彼此不认识,也没有共同的熟人,但几个月前,我去看了一场电影,理查德·基尔(即使在他年老的时候——你能想象一个年长的女人拥有那样的力量吗?)在大多数女性观众中,有一种明显的能量。他把女人叫醒了。我说的是嫁给这样一个男人……

      2. 14.2.2
        另一个家伙

        @Gala

        他想成为一个好情人的动机是为了得到女人,当然可以。一个在床上不好的人将是一个一劳永获的人,没有回头客。第一次见面后,他会让女人缠着他。

        男人不一定要是个好情人才能得到女人。他需要有一定的吸引力和良好的比赛。Guys my age were not interested in "repeat customers."  We practiced sex as a sport.我们进去是为了追逐的刺激。Sex with a new woman is thrilling.  Undressing a woman for the first time was like opening a present on Christmas.  We moved on after we conquered a woman.许多年长的女性在年轻时都经历过这种高速通行证。

        1. 艾米丽,最初的

          掺钕钇铝石榴石,

          他想成为一个好情人的动机是为了得到女人,

          请记住,一个男人只有在最后一个女人说他是好的时候,他才是好的。有些女人会觉得他很棒。其他人会认为他很平庸。其他人会认为他很可怕。性的品味是极端个人主义的。不可能对所有的女人都面面俱到。

      3. 14.2.3
        艾米丽,最初的

        杰里米,

        我觉得这个话题很有趣。因为,毕竟,大多数女人对“好情人”的定义是他给她多少快乐,而不是他自己。那么他成为一个好情人的动机是什么呢?It certainly isn't his own pleasure. It might be validation,但前提是女人比他性感如果他习惯于把自己的价值建立在一个女人的意见上。

        不是吗,在某种程度上,每个人吗?我没有和一个不是的人在一起,至少,潜移默化地等待一些反馈/那个男孩/欣赏/认可他的表现。我想男女都想要。

  14. 15
    另一个家伙

    I would like to propose a completely out of left field explanation.   The combination of hookup culture combined with the over consumption of porn by men and women has lot of men anxious in the bedroom.  Let's face it,男人在20多岁的时候勃起几乎是自主的(当然是在十几岁的时候)。The thirties are were being sexually excited starts to factor into the erection equation.  It used to be that average man was lucky to have a female count (F-count) of five by the time that he reached age thirty;因此,sex with a new women was still a novelty and exciting.  Now,a lot of men lose count of the number of women with whom they have hooked up by age thirty.   It is no secret that guys are horribly visual.在一个男人和很多女人在一起之后,很难对和一个新的女人在一起感到兴奋,and men do not experience that emotional hit that creates the mind blowing sex effect that women enjoy.  Now,combine lower mental stimulation with the performance pressure that comes from watching too much porn and we have a recipe for disaster.  Just as women are sensitive to their bodies,men are sensitive to their size and sexual prowess.  Fifty-six percent of men cannot pass the dollar bill test (a dollar bill is six inches long) and ninety-one percent of men are shorter than seven inches,yet men with penis sizes in the six to seven inch range still believe that they have smaller than average size penises.  That is because they watch too much porn and porn stars tend to have "OMG,把那个东西拿开",小弟弟。

    1. 15.1
      丽莎

      没错,就是这样。

  15. 16
    Nissa

    让我感到困扰的是,这种对“男性表现”的评价似乎与阴茎所依附的男性相去甚远。爱阴茎后面的男人怎么样?

    对我来说,性不仅仅是身体上的行为。是的,这一幕很可爱,特别是和你以前的伴侣在一起,你知道对方的喜好。对我来说,性爱就是爱我面前的男人。很多都是物理上的,但也有人欣赏他,他所有的品质包括非身体素质,比如攻击性,大胆,嬉闹,冗长,创造力。是关于用我的眼睛喝他,我的手,我的嘴;关于成为他欲望的接受者。是关于我享受他的身体,享受他的快乐。这些都不是基于双方的性高潮,虽然这很好。我只是发现爱的行为是令人愉悦的,让它成为更大整体的一部分,在整个过程中,我感觉很好。

    关于OP的信,另一件让我印象深刻的事情是,那些有问题的人似乎对此并不介意。如果这是一次性的,但这封信让它听起来像是一种规范,而不是一个例外。我很惊讶,这些人愿意继续尝试,如果他们的努力在他们的意见是如此令人沮丧。也许他们的目标不一样,虽然在没有承诺的关系中,我希望主要的目标是物理上的,金宝博电子竞技而不是连接。

    1. 16.1
      Buck25

      Nissa,

      在16中,我认为;至少我们过去是这么想的(在一段忠诚的关系或婚姻中,金宝博电子竞技无论如何)。我想知道这在今天是否同样适用,至少对一些年轻人来说是这样。从我读到的一些内容来看,我不太确定,但也许,这里一些对话的本质,再加上一些捐助者过去的经验,在这方面发挥了作用。我不知道;随着年龄的增长,我对很多事情越不确定……

    2. 16.2
      年代。

      是关于用我的眼睛喝他,我的手,我的嘴;关于成为他欲望的接受者。是关于我享受他的身体,享受他的快乐。这些都不是基于双方的性高潮,虽然这很好。

      完全正确!

      我很惊讶,这些人愿意继续尝试,如果他们的努力在他们的意见是如此令人沮丧。

      不清楚OP是否和这些人谈过这个话题?她似乎在为自己的经历编目录,但也许他们很好,她只是换到下一个,没告诉他们?她的第一句话是,“我不能确切地问他们”,所以很难知道男人对此的感受。

      同时,现在重读,也许她可以告诉那个人要一杯啤酒sex.  She noticed a pattern with him that seemed clear enough.

      希望她正在阅读并告诉我们。。

    3. 16.3
      艾米丽,最初的

      Nissa,

      对我来说,性不仅仅是身体上的行为。是的,这一幕很可爱,特别是和你以前的伴侣在一起,你知道对方的喜好。我只是发现爱的行为是令人愉悦的,让它成为更大整体的一部分,在整个过程中,我感觉很好。

      你说的好像性行为的深度超越了自我满足和娱乐?

      1. 16.3.1
        Buck25

        “你说得好像性行为的深度超出了自我满足和娱乐?””

        艾米丽,

        我曾经认为这是这个练习的一个重点。在阅读了我在这个网站上多次阅读的一些评论后,我开始怀疑这是不是真的,对于一些年轻的女性(我一直都知道这在男性中是一种异常的态度,至少,只要他们中的许多人会公开承认)。

        半,在下面的帖子中,对绝经后的女性有一些评论我想在这里重复一下。我的约会对象大多是绝经前后的女性,我越来越欣赏他们中的一些人作为伴侣仍然有性生活。总的来说,他们对亲密和性的态度更加放松,男性POV会让你更放松。我从来没有和这些女人一起经历过“表现焦虑”,更少的ED问题。他们可以享受拥抱,以一种太多年轻女性通常不具备的方式去触摸和关怀。也许他们只是更聪明,也许他们觉得没有必要向自己或伴侣证明什么。他们似乎没有挣扎或试图太努力有大O;对他们来说压力更小,我身上就少了。尽管如此,他们中的许多人似乎更容易享受,比许多年轻的同龄人有更好的质量和更频繁的高潮。活跃的人似乎仍然有一个健康的性欲(大多数可以与我,我是一个一周几次的男人)最严重的问题是干燥问题,作为高级前戏的一部分,很容易用补充润滑剂来补救。从本质上讲,和他们做爱是很容易的,放松,低压,坦率地说,情感上更令人满意,如果不那么疯狂的话。对于一些稍微年轻一点的女性(大多40多岁),因为这一次我几乎没有与任何年轻群体接触的经验),我有一种感觉,他们几乎是在记心理记分卡——我不知道性应该是一项奥运会项目,告诉我们!在这种情况下,一个非常自信的人是不会感到压力的。就像她在评估,“是他让我来的吗?”很容易吗?有多快?多少次?他们只是一般般,或者真正的翘脚趾,完全神游的品种?哦,当我准备好让他来的时候,当然)?等等。等。etc." I guess times have changed,因为我不记得在我35-40岁的时候,女性会这么做(至少不会那么频繁)。那时我也没有感觉到什么压力;但是,我能理解一个三十多岁的人,如果他觉得他的比赛有一点不正常。

        1. 垦利

          很多人都在猜测色情对男性的影响。我认为免费色情的广泛传播也对女性产生了巨大的影响。我认为越来越多的女性在看色情片,我认为色情片正导致一些女性将性视为主要的表现和解脱。

        2. 艾米丽,最初的

          Buck25,

          因为这一次我几乎没有与任何年轻群体接触的经验),我有一种感觉,他们几乎是在记心理记分卡——我不知道性应该是一项奥运会项目,…哦,当我准备好让他来的时候,当然)?等等。等。等等。”

          我让男人这么做过。问我是否来过,如果我不这样做,他们就会失败。(I don't see it as their job.) One announced beforehand that I would be coming twice.我不是在开玩笑。你知道那有多不性感吗?这完全是他的自负。这与我无关。

          现在,我不是你那种性放松的人。用伟大的凯恩·韦斯特(Kayne West)的话来说:发疯,去模仿狗屎!

          在感情方面……如果情况允许的话。如果是一夜情/约会……保持低调。

        3. Buck25

          我让男人这么做过。问我是否来过,如果我不这样做,他们就会失败。(I don't see it as their job.) One announced beforehand that I would be coming twice.我不是在开玩笑你知道那有多不性感吗?这完全是他的自负。这与我无关。

          艾米丽,

          我希望我能说我很惊讶;老实说,我真的没有,考虑到我从女性那里听到的(尽管无论女性还是男性的态度是先有鸡还是先有蛋,我不确定这是否重要)。很遗憾事情发展到这一步,但也许(就像许多其他事情一样),你们这一代人有不同的观点。里面的东西感觉有点冷,几乎没有人情味,对我来说;我的意思是,如果不是关于你的伴侣,没有真正的关心和感觉,只是抓痒,或自我满足…

          其中一些可能是不断增长的勾搭文化的产物。然后,我读了Kenley的帖子,我想她可能发现了一些东西——免费色情变得无处不在,越来越多的男性和女性都在使用它;也许这也会导致对表现和下车的更加重视,相对于情感方面的体验?结合起来,一个崇尚随意性爱的勾搭文化,也许这就是原因之一。

        4. 艾米丽,最初的

          Buck25,
          很遗憾事情发展到这一步,但也许(就像许多其他事情一样),you generation has a different viewpoint. Some of this may be a product of a growing hook-up culture.
          我不是在勾搭文化中长大的。That's the … um … generation below mine.      I actually have read the percentage (at least of young women) of people involved in the hook up culture is quite low.很多人不喜欢它。
          里面的东西感觉有点冷,几乎没有人情味,对我来说;我的意思是,如果不是关于你的伴侣,没有真正的关心和感觉,只是抓痒,或自我满足…这对我来说很难理解。我已经有一段时间没有和我在乎的人在一起了。有时候,关心和关爱就在眼前,但一旦你离开房间,它们就消失了。

  16. 17
    PacNW微笑

    联欢晚会,

    事实上,这种类型的男人在今天的约会市场上是如此的普遍,以至于我有点惊讶于我不得不解释它。这肯定是一代人的事情,也是你已经离开市场一段时间的事实。

    这是我过去10到15年约会过的所有男人。我46岁还单身的原因是,如今的男人不想有一段稳定的感情,除非他们想要孩子,或者不够有吸引力,不能经常做爱。金宝博电子竞技床上功夫好到足以让女人留在身边,她们也能跟得上。我希望有一个关心我的男朋友,一个我可以关心的男朋友。埃文的建议帮助我更好地了解男人,这样我就不会再受感情的伤害了。但我可以像“酷”一样,好玩的,支持我,接受和性感是我能做到的,如果男人真的不想要女朋友,那也无济于事。他们很高兴有几个女人可以发短信过来做爱,在两者之间使用色情,过着没有承诺的生活。金宝博电子竞技这就是我现在的生活,同样的,但并不是因为这是我的第一选择。我喜欢他们的陪伴和鬼混(没有性交,虽然有时候很难,但我还是听从了Evan的建议)在等待他们中的一个给我交女朋友的时候,然后继续前进,当他们不可避免的幽灵。这是困难和孤独的,但我只是鼓起勇气继续约会,希望一个真正想恋爱的男人最终出现。金宝博电子竞技

    1. 17.1
      杰里米

      Men who have several women on call for sex likely won't make good boyfriend/husband material IMHO.  If one spends one's life practicing piano and getting really good at it,1的概率是多少,50岁的时候,to abandon piano for the flute?  If a man spends his whole life practicing for promiscuity and short-term goals,how likely is he to want to commit to one woman?  And if he does commit,他履行承诺的可能性有多大?

      对于像婚姻和承诺这样对我们的长期幸福至关重要的事情,one would think that people would practice for them during their youth rather than practice their antithesis.  If one does not practice at something,how on earth can one expect to be good at it?  Of course,the men in your comment aren't practicing for marriage likely because they don't want it.  Don't see a point to it,没有动力。

      Emily asked whether Mr Charisma who has a million options would be tempted to cheat in marriage.  My answer is that it doesn't depend on how many options he has,it depends on his motivation not to act on his temptations.  Is Mr Charisma also Mr Stupid or Mr Impulsive?

      1. 17.1.1
        联欢晚会

        我认为没有人应该把赌注压在它身上,但更奇怪的事情发生了。我约会过的最大的女人之一,她从不需要妻子,孩子,他热爱家庭,热爱生活,追求各种乐趣,在他50多岁的时候结婚了(娶了一个年龄合适的女人)。我认识的另一个男人在50岁时娶了一个29岁的女人,生了一个孩子。很明显,这两种方法都很好,但是热力学的妻子也不差。第一个有一个高功率的位置,第二个来自一个做得好的家庭。所以. .事情发生。

        1. 杰里米

          肯定的是,事情发生。但它们是例外还是规则?随着时间的推移,这样的结合会更不可能持续下去吗?就像我给男人的建议是,选择一个一直想要像自己一样的男人的女人(而不是一个改弦更张的人),我也会给女性同样的建议。选择一个一直想结婚的男人,没有一个过着花花公子式的生活并有顿悟的人。不是因为它从来没用,但因为冒险往往是值得的。

      2. 17.1.2
        艾米丽,最初的

        杰里米,

        魅力先生也是愚蠢先生还是冲动先生?

        如果一个拥有“那种东西”的女人决定要安定下来,她得到了一个男人,她不仅尊重他,而且挖掘他,她会知道她击中了母脉,可能会很高兴。如果一个男人有“那玩意儿”(我不是说他和很多女人勾搭或者约会过很多次;任何男人都能做到,但他有一种特别的能力,能让女人注意到他。如果他决定安定下来,我不知道他的情况会不会和他的女同事一样。女性对男性人口的吸引力不如男性对女性人口的吸引力大。女人知道她什么时候得到了一件好东西,因为她遇到另一个同样优秀的男人的可能性很低。

        1. 杰里米

          对“质量”的不同理解,艾米丽。

        2. 年代。

          她遇到另一个同样优秀的男人的可能性很低,他对她有吸引力,想要她。

          我不知道这是不是真的。也许!也许就像Evan说的,有些女人看重的不是性格,而是兼容性?

          For me it's not that.  It's staying too long with the guy with that ‘thing'.或者没有那个东西。Just focusing too long on the wrong 金宝博电子竞技relationship.  Men seem to let go a bit quicker (I say ‘seem' because that's what it looks like on the outside.)  I think there might be a lot of men out there with that thing but you would have to let go of the one you've decided on to put yourself out there and meet more of them.

          That may be just me.  Others' mileage may vary!

        3. 艾米丽,最初的

          杰里米和年代。

          "那个东西"是性魅力,但正如我所写的,她也尊重他。她在另一个也想要她的男人身上找到这两种特质的可能性很低。

  17. 18

    是时候重新插线了(双关语)

    我可能比这个网站上的大多数人都要老,我的约会对象大多是绝经后的女性,因为我更喜欢她们接近我的年龄。

    I simply don't care if I can get it up and keep it up.  What I do care about is doing the best possible job whether my unit is working or not.  If I'm soft (usually late at night and slightly drunk),我的手指,一个舌头,我的胡子,and a drawer of toys that I use.  My goal is to make my partner do that near-epileptic,眼滚动,multi-orgasmic thing.  Sometimes I come.有时我不喜欢。之后只要她轻轻打鼾,我很高兴。

    我试过这些药,它们有帮助,it feels like my erection is not connected to my brain.  Morning sex is always better.

    有些女人我立刻就能做出反应,有些则需要做点工作。

    我的周期限制从不,ever stop me and sometimes it's funny.  I just don't worry about it because I've adapted.  I've only had one women have a problem with that but I think that was on her,not me.  Needless to say,这种关系是金宝博电子竞技短暂的。

    PIV性爱发生的时候是很棒的但是对我来说,is not the objective.  If sustained penetration is required,I have my backups.  I think in my case,与前面讨论的所有其他可能性相反,年龄是罪魁祸首。

    我认为对于男人来说,我会说,克服,即兴发挥,and adapt.  For the female readers: If he is struggling to get it up,ask for something different but don't exacerbate the problem.  I think a lot of guys will appreciate exploring the alternatives with you if you ask politely.

    1. 18.1
      丽莎

      我认为这取决于你伴侣的年龄。许多绝经后的妇女对你所描述的性行为没有意见。但是一个30多岁的女人可能不会。想要一个正常的性生活也是可以的。

    2. 18.2
      年代。

      This works for me!  Always did in every decade.  Twenties,三十岁,forties.  I'm glad too because it means I keep getting to have the sex I like to have no matter how old I am.不管年纪多大。

      Yippeeeee !

  18. 19
    D_M

    丽莎,

    你提到的自尊问题,是女性的一部分。这就是我要问的问题,而不是如何提升男性的自尊心。告诉男性不要看色情片对年轻女性没有帮助,这永远不会发生。因为我们是在色情环境中工作,女性应该怎么做?色情铃声打不开。我之前说过,我再重复一遍,色情片一直存在。只是谷歌的色情历史。

    杰里米和雅格在讨论中谈到了一些有趣的方面。杰里米正在学习如何取悦你的伴侣,但听众似乎并不买账。掺钕钇铝石榴石强调滥交,毫无疑问,这有助于人们弄清楚什么能让他们的船浮起来。回到我最初评论的观点,也许她的卧室游戏只是需要工作。来吧,早上他们谁也不想要。这有多可信?20多岁的男性通常没有年长男性经验丰富,所以他们不再满足于呆在那里。30多岁的男人有过这样的经历,所以我们不要简单地把它归为色情。

    1. 19.1
      丽莎

      抱歉,我以为你指的是男人。至于女人,如果一个男人不能在床上表现,那将会影响到99%的女人的自尊,我不认为有任何办法可以解决这个问题。如果他不能表演的原因是色情降低了她的自尊甚至更多。我认为整个关于如何取悦女人的帖子都被忽略了,因为你可以试着去取悦她所有你想要的,但是如果你不能达到高潮,那么她仍然不满足。满足一个女人的部分原因是她看到你也很兴奋很满足。说到男人不会停止看色情片,如果这对她们来说更重要,那么拥有一个正常的性生活当然是她们的选择,但至少年轻女性不会为了这个而留下来。并不是所有的男人都看过色情片,所以她只能找到没有色情片的。

      1. 19.1.1
        杰里米

        Hi Lisa.  It's not that I disagree with what you wrote – I don't.  But rather,我认为把这个问题放在对女性有益的方面是适得其反的。

        如果我没有理解错你的意思的话,you are saying that men who are addicted to porn and have trouble performing with their partners cause psychological harm to those women.  No argument.  But what if the whole reason why the men got into porn to begin with is that they felt that too much emphasis is placed on what women want in society and not enough on what they (the men) want?

        考虑,了一会儿,没有人会直截了当地告诉你:男人从进入青春期的那一刻起就对女性的性行为上瘾,in a way that I don't think women will ever understand.  Imagine a sailor on a boat,死于干渴,surrounded by water.  Everywhere he looks he sees what he needs,but he can't use any of it.  Imagine how that would feel.  A young man entering puberty sees women all around him,知道如果他们想和他做爱,but they don't want to.  So,他虽然沉迷于这些,he tries to figure out how to get what he wants.  He learns that he needs to court,计划、要付,to do the dance that women want him to do before they are willing to give him what he wants.  And as he matures,他发现如果他跳的够多,他最终会找到和他做爱的人,but only for as long as he continues to dance.  Eventually he might ask himself whether there might be an easier way….and he will find porn.  It will be there for him in all its variety and visual stimulation – it will never say no to him,从不审判他,never demand anything from him.  It will never make him dance to earn what he wants before he can get it.  Of course,it won't offer him intimacy.  But intimacy is much higher on the pyramid of needs for men than it is for women.  For women,intimacy is a base need – only once that need is satisfied will most women agree to have sex.  For men,it is the reverse.  Only once they are no longer dying of sexual thirst can they clear their heads enough to think much about intimacy.

        So why shouldn't such a man use porn?  The absolute WORST argument that we can give him is that it will prevent him from satisfying the needs of women.  The needs of women?  That's all he's ever heard of his whole life.  Porn is his ESCAPE from the needs of women.  Its raison d'etre is the man who is tired of dealing with the needs of women.

        当然,the problem with my argument is its one-sidedness.  It doesn't take into account the perspective of women at all – their needs and their trials – but that is by design.  Because the man using porn isn't interested in them.  If we are to convince young men not to use porn,the reason can't be to better achieve the needs of women.  It must be to achieve a happier MAN.  Such an argument can be made.  But it must be made in terms of the man's needs,not the woman's.  IMHO.

        1. Buck25

          杰里米,在19.1.1

          钉!辉煌!

        2. 丽莎

          I don't think the reason a man should not use porn has anything to do with a woman's wants or needs.    The reason not to use porn is so that he the man can have a sexual 金宝博电子竞技relationship with a real live woman.   Not even a committed relationship just a sexual relationship.   Because if the man cannot perform in bed,然后女人就会离开他,所以这不是关于他们或者他们的需求,they will find other men to fulfill those needs,  it's about him wanting to have sex with a real live human.    I mean as a man,would it not bother you if you could not perform in bed?   I suspect it bothers the man more than it bothers the woman,当然,女人可以离开这种情况去找一个没有这些问题的男人,whereas a man will continue to have these issues no matter who he is with.  So yes sure it does hurt a woman's self esteem,但她的解决办法是离开这段关系,金宝博电子竞技and most do.  But what is the man left with?  He still has the problem where he cannot perform in bed and it's going to continue to effect his 金宝博电子竞技relationships,不仅仅是那些“亲密的”人,任何和所有的性关系。金宝博电子竞技I think the way to convince young men to not use porn is to show them that it sexually neuters them.    If a man is also tired of dealing with the needs of women,then women are going to want nothing to do with him.    This is indeed about him,不是女人的需要。

        3. 杰里米

          只是没有使男人绝育,contrary to one of the articles posted above.  Men who are addicted to porn have lots of orgasms and erections.  Just not with women.  The question such men will have to ask themselves is whether or not they WANT to be with women.  Whether they want to pay the price of having to deal with women's wants and needs,which are so different than their own.  The way to convince men is not to accuse them of being "neutered." Nonsense.  Rather,it is the same argument we use against recreational drug use.  Namely,使用海洛因,例如,感觉如此之好,以至于它会让其他应该感觉良好的事情,not.  A heroin addict loses interest in family,朋友,工作,hobbies – all he can think of is heroin.  Life loses its meaning in search of positive affect,所以长期的幸福是难以捉摸的。
          男人应该避免色情成瘾的原因(成瘾,not porn) is to prevent the things that SHOULD matter in his life from not mattering.  So that the man in question can achieve happiness,which can only be achieved when 金宝博电子竞技relationships and meaning balance positive affect.  The reason a man should avoid addiction is not to better achieve the needs of women,nor is it to prevent women from leaving them.  It is for their own psychological well-being.  Regardless of the presence or absence of a woman in their lives.

        4. 年代。

          @杰里米

          他们(男人)想要什么还不够?

          问题是,女人怎样才能给男人她们想要的,并在情感上感到安全。

          我将回到你说过的一件事:

          如果他们想和他做爱,但他们不想这么做。

          It's not that they don't want to.  When I was twelve I spent so much time thinking about sex.  I found boys attractive.  Wasn't that I didn't want to.  But I got my period at age 11.那时发生性行为的后果会是这样的可怕的。我看到很多十几岁的母亲,比我大几岁,停滞不前。People who acted on their desires.  A family friend died of AIDS from her husband when I was 19.   It's not that we don't想要to.  It's just that suddenly you as a beginning woman have adult responsibilities.你在控制生育,或者有了孩子,或堕胎,酵母菌感染,STIs.  And that boy who is 12,14日,19 isn't always ready to help shoulder those responsibility with you.  The desire for sex is still strong even with this,but it does put a damper on things.  Even with the strongest desire ever,我永远不会完全忘记那个可能的婴儿/疾病/等等。可能在我的body.  I worried more about this when I was a teen,you know at peak fertility.  Later I chilled more about it.

          是的,我知道你知道。我只是想让你知道那些女人的欲望。(Maybe even for you!) And it's strong.过了生育的年数,those years with that responsibility have shaped who you are.  Like porn,你也不能把责任放回瓶子里。

          One point that makes your point: Would a woman give up her sexual outlets as a single woman because it might affect a future 金宝博电子竞技relationship?  How many women will give up reading romance novels because they might give them unrealistic expectations of an actual relationship and those expectations make make it difficult for them to find and keep a relationship?

          Not many.  People need their sexual outlets.  If someone wants an actual,现实生活中的亲密关系,找到了他们想要的金宝博电子竞技人,好吧,then they have to figure out whether to continue habits that make that end goal more difficult.  But giving that up before that?不,我没看见。

        5. 丽莎

          @s我个人认为,试图将一个女人贴孩子的感觉与一个男人通过其他海报去色情网站的感觉进行比较是一种冒犯,而且男人对妻子完全缺乏理解和自私,好像她在那里只是为了他的性快感。这是看了很多色情片的男人会掉进的一个大陷阱。因为在色情片里,女人从不说不,他们总是为性做好准备无论他想要怎样的性,这是不现实的。尽管他可能没有意识到,一个经常看色情片的男人对待女人的态度和不看色情片的男人是不同的。所以问题就变成了先有鸡还是先有蛋?通常情况下,过度使用色情会导致女性对伴侣缺乏性兴趣,而不是像很多男性看到的那样。坦白地说,一个男人拒绝和一个活生生的伴侣做爱,而是坐在一个房间里,手里拿着一台电脑,这一点也不吸引人。似乎有一种观点认为,女性必须要忍受这一切,但她们没有,也不会。When I read some of the posts by men I hear the country song "Don't take the girl" except it's replaced with "don't take the porn."  The idea that porn is so important that men are willing to give up whatever to have it.对一个有这种感觉的人来说,这真是一种可悲的状况。如果一个男人更喜欢色情,那就太好了,他应该和色情有关系,而不是和真正的女人约会。金宝博电子竞技但很多男人不能两者兼得,他们必须有所选择。

        6. 杰里米

          丽莎,你写的,“@就我个人而言,我认为试图比较一个女人张贴孩子的感觉和一个男人选择通过其他海报去色情网站的感觉是冒犯性的,而且男人对他的妻子完全缺乏理解和自私,好像她在那里只是为了他的性快感”。

          You are missing the point.  When it comes to the post-partum woman,you write about how the woman FEELS.  The man is ignoring how she feels.  When it comes to the man masturbating to porn,you do not write about how the man FEELS.  You totally miss the point about WHY he is masturbating to porn.  You wrote,”因为在色情片里,女人从不说不,他们总是为性做好准备无论他想要怎样的性,这是不现实的。"  Do you think there's a man on Earth who doesn't know it isn't realistic?  Did you understand my comment above on what men experience,growing up?  Men get fed up as to what is "realistic," because what is "realistic" is not set by their own needs but rather the needs of women!  Eventually men get tired of dealing with the needs of others before their own get met….in EXACTLY the same way post-partum women do.  Try to understand this.  Because although you do not need to tolerate a man who does not prioritize you,你优先考虑的事情是最重要的这是我在已婚伴侣身上经常看到的,男性和女性,这不是一个与婚姻相容的概念。

        7. 年代。

          @Lisa

          就我个人而言,我认为试图比较一个女人张贴婴儿的感觉和一个男人选择通过其他海报去色情网站的感觉是冒犯性的,完全缺乏对他妻子的理解和自私,好像她在那里只是为了他的性快感。

          当你结婚时,I can't think of a situation where sex isn't a part of the agreement.  If it's not,然后可能是其他渠道(其他合作伙伴,色情,vibrators) are okay.  My point is people need a sexual outlet.  Especially married people.  I completely understand the postpartum woman.  I was the one helping these women with their babies.  I did that work for years,I get it.  But I also don't think it's fair to a man to never get sex ever again from his wife after a baby.Or for it to be some rare event.  Marriage is about an agreement.  Both partners have to agree to the terms.

          除了物理部分,sex is also a part of showing love and affection.  We as people need that.  I've never been married but I know what it's like to lie next to someone you love very much and not feel able to touch them or to feel your touch might be rejected.  If it's not a marriage of convenience,我不明白为什么一个女人会希望她的丈夫永远有这种感觉。

          It's not just about porn.  For many sex is a need and they don't get married to not have that need met.  And if she can't meet it after the baby,I don't feel that's the end of that conversation.  Some alternatives or therapy or something has to be done to come up with a solution that works for both of them.

          如果这个男人真的是色情成瘾者,是在结婚前和结婚期间。是在孩子出生前后,that's a different situation.  That's about addiction.  But a situation where man who turns to porn solely because is wife can't or doesn't want to have sex after kids is completely different than a porn addict in my opinion.

        8. 丽莎

          是的,很多男人都希望性就像色情片里发生的那样,so they are plenty of men on earth that believe that.   So let's make the comparison here.  A woman just gave birth to her husband's child.   She is in pain,她是累了,and she needs time to physically recover.  A man is tired of meeting his woman's needs and so he sits in a room and jerks off to pictures on a screen?  I am sorry but those are two total different things.   It is understandable that a woman that just had a child would not be physically ready for sex.  It is not understandable that a man would choose to use porn and not have sex with a woman,这在我看来是不合逻辑的。如果你觉得合理的话,太好了,it does not to me and never will no matter what you say.  I mean honestly to me,that guy is not much of a man at all.   I mean it's super unattractive.  Have you dudes ever watched yourselves when you do it?有吸引力,um no ick.    and would I as a single woman give up my sexual outlet in order to have sex with my partner,绝对的!

        9. 杰里米

          丽莎,first of all my comments were not about a woman who is 1 week or 1 month post-partum.  If we can not agree that it is extremely common for women to go off sex from the time of conception to several years post-partum,我们没有继续讨论的基础。

          第二,I feel somewhat frustrated here.  Because in spite of my continued efforts to implore you to see a perspective other than your own,you continue to make it all about the woman.  A man watches porn and masturbates – you question his manhood and tell him he looks unattractive.  You claim that you,作为一个女人,would give up your sexual outlet to have sex with a partner in a minute.  Would you do so if he made you dance whenever you wanted sex?  Seriously – if every time you wanted sex,如果每次你去找你的丈夫——他告诉你你必须戴上一顶帽子,为他跳踢踏舞,would you get a bit put off?  And what if he requested the tapdance,你做到了,然后他告诉你他没有心情你没有权利期待任何事情,no matter how many tapdances you did?  Might you,在某种程度上,寻找你为了伴侣关系而放弃的性出口?

        10. 丽莎

          杰里米:当然,如果他喜欢的话,我每次都会跳大腿舞。我想我不明白你说的原因是因为我不会拒绝我的性伴侣,实际上我记不起我做过的事情。所以我的前任引诱我去看色情片,拒绝了我的性要求。但不知何故,你是说我应该明白,他转向色情是因为我拒绝了他的性要求,或者让他为我“跳舞”,而这根本不是我发起的案件。你假设女人不是始作俑者或者女人拒绝男人会导致他们的男人去看色情片但是有很多女人根本不是这样的,从不拒绝他们的男人,穿上性感的衣服,他们愿意做任何他们想做的事,但他们的伴侣却在使用色情作品并拒绝他们。所以我可以肯定,如果一个男人经常被他的妻子拒绝,他会转向色情。但那不是我,也不是这些情况下的大多数女性。我们说的是两件不同的事情。我说的是那些主动想要更多性爱的女性,他们的男人还在看色情片,对色情视而不见。你说的不是同一件事。你似乎认为总是女人掌握着性爱的钥匙,但事实并非如此。这可能发生在你的经历中,但在其他很多经历中并不常见。你在寻找一种责备女人的方法,但并不是所有情况下都是这样。

      2. 19.1.2
        丽莎

        @jeremy,实际上最终真正的色情成瘾者,开始有ED和DE的问题,即使有色情,随着时间的推移,手淫,so it can neuter a man totally.  If a man's desire is porn and his hand,这是他的结束语,我对此没有异议。我同意男人应该停止为自己看色情片,但这只适用于他想和另一个人交往的情况。金宝博电子竞技如果他没有,then I see no problem with that either.   In general both members of a couple have the want and need to have sex with each other.   Therefore,i cannot really understand why you seem to be trying to hang this issue up on a woman's "needs."  I am not sure what that has anything to do with?   So in a 金宝博电子竞技relationship a woman's need is to have sex with her partner and a man's is what?  Not to have sex with her?

        1. 杰里米

          丽莎,oftentimes in a 金宝博电子竞技relationship it is the wife rather than the husband who loses desire for sex.  It usually has nothing to do with porn,but rather simple loss of desire.  This is common as dirt,and often occurs after the first pregnancy.  In such circumstances,the husband finds himself in a quandary similar to the one you described.  In your case,porn was the etiological factor.  Frankly,这让它更容易,而不是更难,because you have something tangible to point at.  In cases where a wife has lost desire,不过,丈夫经常试图让她考虑他的欲望,就像你(和其他人)试图让男人考虑他们妻子的欲望一样。You wrote "In a 金宝博电子竞技relationship a woman's need is to have sex with her partner and a man's need is what?"  That is exactly the question that men ask in such a situation.  And the answer is – whatever it is,这不是性。

          My point is not to argue with your assertion that "both members of a couple [should] have the want and need to have sex with each other."  My point is that when one partner doesn't – for whatever reason – it is because that person has lost the desire to have sex with their partner – and further,lost the desire to WANT to want to have sex.  At that point,现在只剩下一个问题了——这个人是否有动力去发现其中的某些东西,从而重新点燃欲望,or not?  If not,the 金宝博电子竞技relationship is doomed.  Because no amount of shaming language or external pressure will make someone want something they don't want.

        2. 丽莎

          我认为你掉进了一个陷阱或常见的误解,认为是男人想要性而女人拒绝了他们,而通常情况恰恰相反。有许多女性在无性婚姻中,并不是因为她不想这样。我的欲望比我遇到的每一个男人都要强烈。我不反对使用色情,当它在一段关系中引起性问题时,我是反对的。金宝博电子竞技所以男人拒绝他们的妻子是因为他们把精力花在了其他地方。我认为我看到的潜在信息是,不确定你是否有意识地这么做,但男人看色情片是女人的错,同样,他的色情诱导ED。女人想要在做爱时得到关注,她把他打倒了好几次,她不主动。这是非常普遍和错误的。如果一个人不能在床上表演,这女人该受责备!

        3. 年代。

          About pregnancy and loss of desire for sex.  Some of that is hormonal.  Hormones change immediately postpartum.  And also hormones shift with nursing if a mom is nursing.  Exclusive breastfeeding on demand can actually inhibit ovulation,when is the time in the cycle when most women really want to have sex.  Sometimes things go back to normal after the baby takes solid food.  Some peoples hormones take a while to return to normal even if they never nursed.

          Another factor–exhaustion.  I once had a job helping new mothers at night–like a baby nurse.  It meant I didn't sleep.  And I had a full-time day job too.  I was younger then.I like babies even though I didn't feel a need then for one of my own.  I worked with twins at night too.  I wasn't nursing anyone but I got so exhausted after months of this.

          我记得我回家的时候总是撞到你扶着的那根杆子。我不是一个笨拙的人。I've been riding buses since I was six.  I was so tired that I just misjudged the distance.Happened twice–ouch!  If I was so exhausted that I couldn't get off a bus without bumping my head,我看不到性的能量,especially good sex.  It's not that my hormones were unbalanced or I didn't want sex.我只是太累了世界有点昏暗,一个饥饿的婴儿的声音让所有其他的需求都消失了,at least for me.  If I had to go to the bathroom,something-nope吃,孩子是第一位。

          Don't new Dads get exhausted too since they are also getting by on three hours of sleep a night for several months since they help bottlefeeding moms with feeding?  Does exhaustion not affect male sexuality?

          Sometimes it really is just sheer exhaustion the first few years.  Not necessarily that a woman just up and stops wanting herr partner.  I'm not sure how to mitigate that or how long that lasts.  But the new baby exhaustion struggle is real.

          我写这篇文章,是因为我认识的大多数女人真的很爱我,想要性!也许这并不是在鼓励她想要它。她已经wants it.  Maybe she needs sleep to have the space to meet that need.It's her need too.  If it's hormonal and she's not nursing,你也可以咨询一些人。

          我相信,如果人们有足够的情感和体力储备,他们可以找到答案。

        4. Shaukat

          我现在已经从网站上读到了一些文章/研究丽莎,很多都很有趣,但是,他们自己承认,也很不确定。应当指出,有几项是根据自我报告和实验室试验提出的。虽然后者对于在非常可控的环境中分离因果因素非常有用,在得出关于现实生活互动的结论时,它们的作用就小得多了。充满了对抗机制。无论如何,研究似乎表明的是色情成瘾者随着时间的推移,需要更多的刺激来唤起,这与药物诱导的ED有很大的不同。其中一篇评论说:

          “我们通过实验展示了临床观察到的(强迫性网络色情使用)的特点是追求新奇,男性对性刺激的适应和习惯”[86]。在一项相关研究中,这些研究对象中有许多人也报告说,在伴侣性行为中,性唤起和勃起困难,但并非在互联网色情使用期间[31]。这意味着,网络色情引发的性困难可能部分是由于对新奇事物的条件期望,而这在伴侣性行为中是不匹配的。

        5. 杰里米

          年代,关于这个话题我已经写过很多次了,但请简要回答你们的问题:

          “新爸爸们不也会感到疲惫吗?”Doesn't exhaustion affect the male sex drive?"  Yes,也没有。

          虽然新父母确实很疲惫,这不能解释这种现象。不是这些女人(是的,通常是女人)想要性但是太累了。他们根本不想要。她们甚至憎恨丈夫对她们的性行为。其中一些是荷尔蒙,但其中很多也是目标/优先级的简单改变。一旦婴儿长大,性欲绝对不会恢复。这当然是可以解释的,这是不合理的。一个人不能失去多年的性欲而期待一段幸福的婚姻。不幸的是,女性从社会和她们的朋友那里得到的信息是这不仅是可能的,但她们的丈夫是不成熟的混蛋,因为他们没有预料到这一点。想象一下,如果社会告诉男性,因为太累,多年不跟妻子说话没什么大不了的。爱的语言就是爱的语言。

          丽莎,虽然许多女性确实遭受无性婚姻的痛苦,统计数据显示,女性往往在年轻时(30岁和40岁)就失去性欲。色情问题只是让一些女性体验了男性的经历。如果一个男人失去了性欲,那是女人的错吗?也许,但不一定。换个问题——如果一个女人失去了性欲,这是男人的错吗?取决于她为什么失去它,不是吗。在我自己的婚姻中,我妻子失去性欲将近十年了,这绝对是我的错。我给了她想要的一切,导致她没有任何理由优先考虑性。直到我收回之前的话,性才成为她优先考虑的事情。在其他的婚姻,女人可能会因为男人的行为而失去性欲,男人也可能会失去性欲。如果一个男人更喜欢色情片而不是性,原因可能是简单的上瘾,也可能是因为他觉得性不值得。对他来说没什么。和失去性欲的女人一样。

        6. 丽莎

          @shukut,当我的前任开发ED/DE的时候,当他停止色情和手淫的时候,问题完全解决了。所以我想说的是做你自己的研究。如果一个男人患有ED,并且身体健康,并且使用色情/手淫,他应该停下来看看这是否能解决问题,研究一边。如果答案是肯定的,那么他就有了答案,如果答案是否定的,那么他就可以去寻找其他原因。这说不通吗?

          在no fap社区,有成千上万的人都有同样的问题,他们停下来解决了这个问题。

        7. 年代。

          @Jeremy

          我同意,that it's absolutely unacceptable to change one's sexual priorities in a marriage permanently.  Exhaustion and hormones explain the change,但我当然不认为任何合作伙伴都不应该试图寻找解决方案。

          不是这些女人(是的,通常是女人)想要性但是太累了。他们根本不想要。

          This hasn't been my experience with my friends.  Maybe the women you know are different.  My friends all wanted sex with their husbands and most of them had it.  I think that maybe one stopped having sex for a long while with her husband.  But that seemed like issues that stemmed long before they had babies.  And they still managed to have two kids without regular sex.

          不幸的是,女性从社会和她们的朋友那里得到的信息是这不仅是可能的,但她们的丈夫是不成熟的混蛋,因为他们没有预料到这一点。

          I somehow grew up in American society and I never got that message.  Do you think it's an economic class difference?I grew up working class (perhaps lower) and all my friends who had kids were as well.  (Though most of them are middle class now.)  Is this something that differs for upper class women who stay home?  Maybe that explains the different message?

          我知道你之前说过这些,但我从来没有遇到过一个女人,我认识很多女人,who thought not having sex with their husband indefinitely was preferred and okay.  I just haven't seen that.我的大多数朋友所以desired their husbands and were thrilled when they had sex.  I understand if you have seen differently.  I'm just offering my experience and observations into the discussion.

        8. 杰里米

          感谢你的评论,S.  If you had asked my wife whether or not we still had a sex life during the decade I describe,she would have said yes.  We averaged about twice per month,which was more than enough for her.  And when asked (by me) about it,she thought we did it far more often than we actually did.  Because our memories are fallible and oh so subject to our emotions and what we believe "should have happened."  The story of our lives that we want to tell ourselves.  That was the irony of "spreadsheet guy" – the guy who recorded his sex life over a month on an Excel spreadsheet and showed it to his wife – the fact that she rejected his advances 8 times out of every 9,但她仍然相信他们的性生活还可以。

          You don't know any women who believe their sex lives have tanked….but have you asked their male partners?  I believe you'd get quite a different story.  And I have no idea about the effect of SES.  Most of my peers are upper-middle class,more or less.  But the articles I read are directed toward the general population.

        9. 年代。

          @Jeremy

          I saw that spreadsheet.  I don't know why she thought that was okay.Most women I know are not that okay with that little sex.  Like I said in other comments,the women I know really like sex!  With kids or without.  Married or not.  They want to have it.

          I don't think any partner should renegotiate the frequency of sex without the other partner's input.  That's not fair.  Now maybe some people think quality is better than frequency?Hmm.  Most women I know want both And one shouldn't have to choose.  But that's a couples decision that they make together.

          I have not asked the men.  That can be rather personal!  And I don't know the men as well,honestly.  There is one couple I know well.I was good friends with the woman and now am good friends with both.  Their marriage ended and yes,the sex was lacking in the latter part of the marriage.  My female friend wanted it!  She always thought he was so hot.我记得她好像爱上了别人,它是完全公开的,我问他担心吗?他不是。He was completely fine and open to polyamory.  I think that in this case he and my friend fell out of love and ended up good friends.  The lack of sex and her falling for someone else only happened because their marriage had just slowly withered.  There was a point earlier when my female friend so wanted to save it but years passed and she couldn't try and save the marriage without his help.

          I know him better now.  He can get really set in inertia sometimes.  Sometimes it's depression,有时是他注意力的过度集中,sometimes I don't know.  But you can't get him moving until he's ready.  I never ask about sex because well,他对婚姻的结束还是有点难过,但同时,现在一切都已经过去了。

          It's been several years.  I don't see him often but maybe one day I will ask.  I honestly think the question is more about his tendency to be inert,rather than sex.  But when I have a friend,我接受他们的缺点,一段时间后不再质疑他们。即使作为朋友,我得仔细想想该怎么说。

        10. Nissa

          杰里米,我想你说到了很重要的一点:我的观点是,当一个伴侣没有——不管什么原因——那是因为那个人已经失去了和伴侣做爱的欲望——而且,失去了想做爱的欲望。

          在我的关系,金宝博电子竞技我确实和我的伴侣发生了性关系,当时我并不是很喜欢开始时。通常是因为我在做别的事情,累或不觉得特别性感。但我几乎从未说过不。我不知道有很多女人在经期没有性生活,直到我结婚多年。(Maybe it's a Christian thing?) But once I got started,我几乎总是被触摸产生的爱的感觉所打动,味道和感觉。

          对我来说,这很好地说明了这个人是否想要它。因为我想要我的伴侣,请他,因为它对我的要求并不比我所能给予的更多,我可以这么做。

          在我的另一段感情中,金宝博电子竞技我可以提供了别人想要的,但我不想。我太生她的气了太怨恨她的欲望,被她骚扰得太厉害了。她想要的和我愿意提供的之间的差距太大了。

          这就是为什么在你妻子的心目中,你们两个每个月做爱两次就可以享受性生活。它不仅满足了她的需要,但超过她的需求,超出她的需要。这意味着每次她做爱,不管她想要什么,她都是为别人做的。当你为某人做某事时,他们不仅不欣赏你的牺牲,但纠缠你不给更多-地狱不,你不会想要付出更多。

          这是一个不匹配。如果双方都责怪对方拥有自己想要的和需要的东西,那就错了。要求别人想要我们想要的东西是不合理的(而且不太可能发生)。更乐于接受他们能提供和不能提供的,认识到什么时候匹配,不再匹配。

          如果我是你妻子,我必须诚实地评估我想要多少性。如果你不能接受一个月两次,那么分手在我看来是合适的。如果我能容忍更多的性行为,这将是一个很好的妥协——但只有当双方都愿意大胆地提出自己想要什么,愿意提供什么,这才有可能。如果我不想做爱,想保持婚姻,只要丈夫小心谨慎,我就会考虑在性方面给他一张免费通行证。

          我们每个人都要对自己的生活负责,我们永远不会成为别人的牺牲品,我们总是有选择的权利。

      3. 19.1.3
        另一个家伙

        @Lisa

        如果男人不能在床上表演,然后女人就会离开他,所以这不是关于他们或者他们的需求,他们会找到其他人来满足这些需求,

        You just supported Jeremy's thesis.  There is nothing about the needs of the man in your assertion.  Performing in bed is about meeting the needs of a woman,not his own.  A man who is using porn is getting his needs met,我可以很方便地补充一句。

        1. 杰里米

          他们的短期需求,certainly.  Their long-term needs are often neglected.  Problem is,他们不能想得太远,就像他们的大脑经常被麻醉一样。

        2. 另一个家伙

          @Jeremy

          我同意可能要付出代价,but I find the "she will leave him if he cannot maintain an erection and orgasm inside of her" argument to be quite sophomoric.  That is not a very welcoming way for a woman to induce a man a to please her.如果一个男人在卧室里有表现问题,the last thing he needs is for a woman to put pressure on him.  That pretty much ensures that things will not improve.

          I wonder how many women would get pissed if the guy they were with insisted that they swallow and do anal?  I have lost count of the number of women who have said "no" to both of those requests.  Better yet,让男人把它们绑起来,应用球插科打诨,and drip hot candle wax on their bodies.  I personally would rather go without oral sex if I have to worry about orgasming in a woman's mouth.  That completely kills it for me.  It is not like I say,我要下去攻击你。but do not squirt in my face."  I can assure any man who has never had that happen to him that it comes as quite a shock the first time it occurs,特别是当一个女人是一个沉重的喷射器。如果一个女人想要一个男人专心取悦她,她需要把“不”这个词从她的词汇表中删除。

          我同意Buck25的观点绝经后的女性在床上仍然活跃比绝经前的女性更有趣。为什么?因为他们对将要发生的事情没有先入之见,当他们和一个男人上床时,他们也不评判。如果一个男人在性交中没有达到高潮,他们也不会惊慌失措。对他们来说,the journey is as important as the destination.  A post-menopausal woman is also very appreciative of a man who takes his time to please her because she is also often struggling with the effects of aging on her own sexuality.

          至于现代40多岁的女性,好吧,I dated mostly women who were in their mid-to-late forties when I first re-entered the dating pool.  I could not get over how many of these women wanted really rough sex,sex rough enough to leave bruises all over their bodies.  We are talking about being seriously manhandled with hair pulling and choking.在我结婚前,我和几个喜欢粗野性爱的女人在一起,这就像互联网造就了一种全新的不到50岁的女性。我很好奇这些女人是否也看了太多色情片。

        3. 丽莎

          还有一个家伙,我想你没听明白我说的话。一个有年龄相关性ED的男人和一个有色情诱导的ED的男人是完全不同的,他们不会停止。如果一个男人用色情来满足他的需求,我根本不想和那个男人在一起。我想我是在假设和真人做爱比在电视屏幕前自己动手好。女人需要性交,一个人软弱无力是完全没有问题的。而且仍然不明白这是如何关系到一个女人的需要的。我就是看不出来。而要求肛交或吞咽则不同。一个有异色癖的男人并不能获得独自完成大部分行为的乐趣,而一个不喜欢肛交的女人,或者吞咽仍然愿意并且能够做其他事情。我个人对男人说的任何话都持开放态度。但是肛交是痛苦的,我不知道为什么男人会希望他的伴侣痛苦。我知道我知道色情片让你知道女人喜欢那些东西所有女人都喜欢,对吧?但既然你仍然认为这和女人的需求有关,告诉我她该怎么做才能让那个男人不要选择色情片而不是她?

        4. 艾米丽,最初的

          掺钕钇铝石榴石,

          如果一个女人想要一个男人专心取悦她,她需要把“不”这个词从她的词汇表中删除。

          你已经把这句“从她的字典里删除no”贴了很多次了。有些女人会做任何你想做的事,但她们需要钱。

        5. 杰里米

          你不可能让一个对色情上瘾的男人选择和你做爱而不是色情,我想你知道。问题是你越努力,你给他的内疚和压力越大,他越想用色情片自我治疗——其目的是为了给自己带来无压力的快乐。你所能做的就是让你的生活尽量没有压力,让他参加戒毒康复计划。如果做不到这一点,如果你的需求没有得到满足,并且你觉得这种情况无法忍受,那就离开婚姻吧。有很多男人仍然很乐意和一个真正的女人做爱,而且觉得这个代价不太沉重。

  19. 20.
    Buck25

    杰里米,

    这是你在17。1中提出的一个有趣的理论我没有这么想过,但凭直觉,它是有意义的。我想知道这是否强调了一个观点一个人的一生中可能会有几个转折点,他的选择可能会使他走上一条或另一条道路,即。倾向于还是远离关系/婚姻?金宝博电子竞技一旦一个球员,总是一个球员吗?我想我记得我生活中的几个地方,这种转变可能发生在哪里,但是没有,出于这样或那样的原因。再一次,我们永远不知道在这条路上会发生什么,我们做什么?

    1. 20.1
      杰里米

      I don't know if it's that "once a player always a player."  I know examples of players who married – both male and female.但是我已经写了很多次了,重要的是动机,因为它将决定未来。如果一个人是球员,他为什么会成为一名球员?是因为他渴望新奇吗?如果是这样,他将永远这样做。这并不意味着他不能维持一夫一妻制的婚姻生活,相反,婚姻生活将对他构成独特的挑战,让他克服自己内心的欲望,去追求他“应该”想要的东西。将占上风,他的挫败感还是罪恶感?谢天谢地,我的婚姻中没有这个问题,因为新奇从来都不是我的菜。

      我认为有些人比其他人更适合婚姻生活,有些人比其他人更容易相处。不是因为他们没有选择,但因为选择对他们来说没那么重要。

      1. 20.1.1
        Buck25

        杰里米,

        是的,也许是这样。再一次,我想知道是否有相同的选择,或者意思完全一样,在不同的人生阶段。至少,我发现他们在35岁的时候,在那个年龄的两倍,现在有些时候,当我不知道,现在重要的是,什么不再是。一个陌生的地方,这沉思的时刻,在生命的暮年…

留下一个回复

您的电子邮件地址将不会公布。必填字段被标记*