You ever go out with a nice guy because you think you should? Do you ever find yourself on a date wondering why you were there? You ever hesitate to return a guy’s text because you were too ambivalent about him? But you apply to him anyway because you’re bored or lonely? You’re trying not to be picky? Stop.
所以，康妮是在纽约。她在爱情U.她是一个私人客户。她是爱你的客户大师，谁双周私人教练报名的人，我写他们的个人资料，我要为自己的照片，我们看他们的短信，我们登录到交友网站。188bet反恐精英：全球攻势这是非常，非常有个性。于是，我知道了很多关于康妮的生活，在过去的一个月，她有一个家伙是谁在做的一切权利。他的冷静，他的短信，他在问真的很好的问题，他是一个伟大的健谈。他们留在放大在一个时间增加5小时。他告诉好的故事。他们走在社会距离的日期。而且他暗指他是多么喜欢她。 He’s alluding to his excitement. He’s talking about what happens next. And really, that’s textbook. That’s what guys are supposed to do when they like you, they’re ramping up. But when we got down to it, Connie was not excited about this guy. And I always caution we don’t want to use excitement as the metric to choose a guy. Because as I’ll tell you later, excitement isn’t the reason that I chose my wife. But let’s find that middle ground between bored and excited.
接下来是安妮和她是另一种爱你师父的客户端。她是在她50岁出头。她是惊人的，凉爽和乐趣。她是一个公司的COO。而她一直通过爱U.她一直陪伴着我了大约五个月。她想一遍，这就是为什么我喜欢谈论这个，我让我的客户的许可，与匿名告诉这些故事。她以为她是继我的指示，来到兴奋吹嘘到了我的手机。埃文，你猜怎么着？我要和一个人谁没有去上大学，做一个小时十五块钱。我当时想，OK，上的成就表示祝贺。 But you said to be open to guys. I’m open to guys. Look at me. I’m making $200,000 grand a year and I’m open to this guy who makes fifteen dollars an hour. Aren’t you proud of me? I’m not sure, Annie, that you understood what I was talking about. All right. Huh? Listen, you could tell me the rest of the story and the story is that he’s really nice and he’s really thoughtful. He’s really comfortable with himself. He’s a happy person. He’s communicative. And these are all great traits that one should have in a husband. But she’s going out with this guy anyway, despite the fact that this is misaligned. It’s misaligned from the beginning. And that’s without even being classist. In talking to this guy she learned he doesn’t want to work hard. He doesn’t want to go back to school. He’s perfectly content in the life that he has now. He even joked about her being a sugar momma for him. So this is a misinterpretation of a core Love U principle.
你需要有既尊重和化学上手的关系。金宝博电子竞技人们离开了的东西时，他们正在寻找合作伙伴。所以很多时候我们漏掉一个人谁是很好或承诺为本或良好的沟通。所以我们跳过那些东西。我们知道，我们不能这样做了。但是，这并不意味着shooing其他的东西了。你必须尊重你的人。你需要有化学反应。问题是，当我们想到的特质，我们看到开头足以长期的合作关系，他们不是。金宝博电子竞技有伟大的化学反应并不意味着你将拥有一个美满的婚姻。 Him being a nice guy doesn’t mean you’ll have a happy marriage. You need to have a nice guy who you also have some measure of chemistry with. Otherwise, there’s no long term relationship. Nothing gets off the ground.
要采取安妮的故事还她去上网本的整体互动后，然后在我们的教练电话中的一个，她在另一个方向去报告给我。188bet反恐精英：全球攻势她通过百人跑到我的Match.com遗志，她找到了一个总的......得到这个，零值得电子邮件的。零个男人她把她的最爱名单上。百人。So she went from open-minded, look, I’m dating a guy with no ambition and no money, to close-minded in a split second and didn’t even see how she whipsawed between those two things and how I’m just pushing her to the middle. I’m not asking her to give a chance to 100 men. Nor am I asking her to go out with a guy who’s in a very, very different place in life. There’s a whole middle ground that Annie is not exploring. You don’t need to be interested in most guys online. Most guys online are not going to be your type. That’s fine. You need to be like an Ivy League institution. I say that all the time in Love U coaching calls. You’re an Ivy League school. Ivy League school has high standards. You could say no to 90 percent of men, but you gotta admit 10 percent of the men. Otherwise, you’re not gonna have a freshman class. That makes sense. You gotta admit 10 percent of the men, you gotta go through one hundred guys. And if you find 10 decent, throw on your favorites list and keep them there for a rainy day. You can’t go through one hundred men and say, yeah, the world’s biggest dating site has a total of zero men that I’m interested in. If they wrote to me, if you can’t find 10 percent of men with a decent photo and a decent profile, I’m great. Just passable. If you can’t find 10 percent of men who are worth a second look, it’s on you. Not the dating site, not the men in your area. It’s on you because you’re doing exactly what you decry men of doing, going through the dating site and finding everybody who’s young and thin and hot, etc. And he’s not giving you a chance. I know it doesn’t always feel that way. But it is. I’m an objective third party. It’s very, very hard to discuss this in a way that doesn’t trigger people in some form or another. But it’s not hard to get onto a site and be like, all right, decent guy saving for a rainy day. Maybe we’ll do something with him. But if there are no candidates, there’s no dating. And if there’s no dating, there are no relationships. If there’s no relationship, there’s no love. We need to have a funnel. We need to have options.
所以，我想关闭这个情节与故事，因为这是关于给错人的机会。I always speak from a place of empathy, sympathy, having walked a mile in your shoes, not as a woman, of course, but as a guy who really struggled to find the one and didn’t know what I was doing wrong for five years while I was coaching other people. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong and why it was so hard for me. Just briefly, I get into this at greater length in Love U. I want to talk about how I ended up choosing my wife, not the entire arc of our relationship, but the feelings involved with it. It wasn’t you just know, it wasn’t giddy. There was no point while we were dating that I was like, Oh My God, she’s the one. That thing that you think you should have, that everybody thinks that they should have. I never had that moment. At the same time, going back to the story of Annie. I always have fun. I always wanted to see her again. It was always easy. I didn’t have to talk myself into hanging out with my girlfriend. But because I was accustomed to intense chemistry with people who were a lot like me and the rollercoaster and the friction that comes with that. This felt so different. It felt so peaceful. It was hard to come to terms with. This is what love, real love feels like. I was as comfortable with my wife as I was with my family. That was a thing that I didn’t consider. What a wonderful and unusual feeling that was. I wasn’t anxious at all. I literally proposed to my wife the day after going out to dinner with my mom and my sister in San Francisco, watching them interact and realizing she’s family. That’s the feeling.
所以，我想告诉你，我的听众，你可能不知道吧，就像，你知道，你有两个武器。你可能不知道，如果有人是正确的时候了，甚至永远。这是一个选择。这是不是基于化学的一个选择。It’s based on a whole series of factors that I get into in Love U. But what I do want you to pay very close attention to is ignoring the feeling that someone is not the one and staying too long with a man you’re not attracted to, don’t trust, don’t feel comfortable with or don’t have fun with. What is the point of talking yourself into a relationship if you don’t have fun or comfort or attraction? Life is simply too short to be with a guy who you don’t want to be with.
And I will talk to you soon.